A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i need to know if anyone outthere has survived their partner having an affair and is still happily married years after. I am trying to get over my husbands affair. I am on the verge of leaving him as i will never know who he loves more. I am scared to be a single mum but im sure its better than living in pain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): a very close friend of mine from all the way back in high school is married to a man who has cheated on her at different times in the first years of thier marriage... so many years later, I am very impressed at the way their marriage has changed... it has been like eleven years now that they have been married. I believe it all has to do with how she handled the situation, as the wife of an adulterous husband... She gave him an ultimatum. He first chose to leave and be with this other woman. He and his wife had a four year old daughter together, but he was still willng to leave. Now, she immediately started living her own life without him... went back to college classes, started dating. From what I understand, she never stopped seeing/sleeping with her husband, but made it full known that she was not waiting around for him. She filed for divorce, and made sure he paid child support and alimony while they were seperated, and made sure he understood how bad it would be for him financially once the papers were signed. It was about six months, and he realized fully what he was losing. They got back together but under her strict rules about him being transparent in his daily activities, and of course he was not to be in contact with this hussy. My friend says that of course she can not forget, even though she forgives... but she also sees how her own behavior played a part in his turning to this other woman. She takes part of the responsibility. They seem to have a solid marriage, and are happy. I see with my own eyes that people can change and get through this, and be much better for it. I personally, do not have that forgiving of a heart so I could not do it, but of course it can be done.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): I was cheated on very early in my marriage. We worked through it and evently had two children together. I was able to forgive him, but I NEVER forgot it. Everytime we argued I brought it up. I always felt s betrayed. We would eventually divorce after 11 years of marriage. My opinion is that you never full recover. If it is bothering you now...it will bother you in the future. Being a single mom is hard...but being in a dishonest relationship is much more difficult. Turn to your family and friends to help you get through it. You will be so surprised where you draw your strength from.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): hey, i think you posted 2/3 times already. if you are then please i know that this affair is "killing" you right now. a female responded to you about her hbs affair and how she and him got through it. also another woman "scattered brain" is also going through this. please contact these women if you can. they will help you and also help you try to undertsnad what this affair is about. i am sure they would not mind trying to help in whatever little way they can.
i know you are hrting. i have read the other posts you have sent. you need tobe strong. you need to believe in yourself. you have a baby to consider. if you do leave him, just know this -there are thousands/ millions of women who are successful single parents. i know youare scared. i really do feel for you. only you know what your hb has put you through. so if you feel that leaving is the only alternative then do it. yes, it will be hard, but you are strong. you will get through this. yes, it is better than him cheating again. i know you are doubting him, his lies , but something has to give. if you walk out, do so with your head held high. do some with some self respect. do not let his affair beat you and destroy you., you are stronger than this. if you don't, this will consume you and eat you alive.
please take a deep breath. yes, and stop crying for a moment. and think. make notes , like what you want and what you are going to do. yes, leave if you have a place to go to, just to clear your head. talk to close friends and family. confide in someone please. i am sorry i cannot be more help to you, but please get some help. some moral support to help you with his betrayal and please take care of your baby and yourself. i know you desperatly seek anwswers, that i cannot give to you. but i can say a prayer for you and your baby. so please - strength during this painful times. God bless.
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