A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone here ever survived a relationship with a narcissist? Strong words I know but my now ex really was, I left him and fled with my kid 2 days ago.I just feel numb, I feel like i'v just come back from war and having flash backs of the whole relationship.Mind games he did that.Controlling he did. Gaslight he did that. Hurt me physical he did that. Cheat? No evidence but more than likely he done that too. Through our relationship he could go out anytime and I got hell for wanting to go to one concert, concert of a singer that I actually know very well personally and he's done really well. Wasn't allowed to go and support his concert. That person is also one of the few who spotted what was going on and helped me see it for what it is and get out. I'm not gonna bore you with the details these kind of relationships always run the same course. I have seeked help from family and seeing my Doctor this week, to help undo the damage. Has anyone been here? When did light come?when did you start to feel like yourself again? To sum up it is like ptsd and i have been at war for the past 5 years is a understatement. I'm trying hard to get strong for my kid now too. Guess I'm just looking for some advice and kind words. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2022): Good for you!
Narcissists come in all shapes and forms. They can be your partner, parent, sibling, "friend"...
The best thing you can do is END that relationship. No matter who the narcissist is to you, they are always poisoning your life. Always.
I survived a friendship that was imposed on me since I was born. That person and her parents kept telling me that we are "sisters" (and that I should take care of her, of course). It took me a couple of decades to leave this toxic relationship behind and I never looked back! When you leave behind a person that is (ab)using you, you "become the worst person in the world" to them and people who (still) like them. Sometimes those people are your friends and even family. No matter. LEAVE. BE the worst person in the world. You're saving your life!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2022): Well done. Yes, been there and done that. Sadly so have thousands and thousands of women. Whose life and emotional stability and health have been ruined by abusive men.
I come on here to try and help others who have no idea what it is that is happening to them. I didn't either. I stumbled accidentally on a book about abuse and I finally understood that the person who claims to love you is out for your destruction so they can control you. Have you silent, at home, acquiescent and obedient. Sickening and it makes me so angry to realise how common it is and how many people suffer.
My sister, my mother, my two best friends, my next door neighbour, my sister's next door neighbour....I could go on and on.
But yes, in time it gets easier hopefully he will leave you alone. Mine stalked me if he ever saw me out, he thought I was interested in him again! So, I have lost a lot of friends, a lot of the places I liked to go are lost to me now and I have had to start again.
You're getting help which is great. What they put us through is never to be underestimated. My health has been ruined with a nerve condition brought about by extreme stress. I hope you got out in time to recover well and to realise that women are often attracted to the same type of man, so if you ever find yourself excited by someone again, be very wary. Read about abuse so you will recognise an abuser in the future. "Why Does He Do That?" is the best book I have ever read about abuse. It's written by Professor Lundy Bancroft and it's written in a sympathetic manner. It's also so eye opening!
Good luck with the rest of your life and well done for all you have managed to achieve so far. It was so important to get your child away and it must have taken enormous bravery. Sending you healing love and hugs. Come back to chat if you ever need to xx
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (10 August 2022):
 Yes I was married to one, divorced him years ago and I am still standing, strong and confident. My ex husband was a charmer, a liar, a cheater. He was both emotionally and physically abusive. He went from one relationship to another, never ending one before beginning another. He has 5 ex wives. I was wife #1, we married when we were 19. He played mind games, gas lighted me, I thought I was going crazy. The marriage only lasted 2 years. I walked out the day he twisted my arm so hard he nearly broke it. Hevlaughed while I was in tears. I had never told my parents of the abuse, I was too ashamed but that day I went home and told my dad. My parents went to talk to him. He was a coward and as true cowards act, it was ok forbhim to hurt me but in the prescence of another man, my ex was quaking in his boots. He jumped out of a window, terrified of facing my father! What a coward!
We got divorced, and I slowly picked up the pieces and became a strong woman. We had an 18 month old little girl together, so my life wasnt easy but my family was there for us. I put myself through college, got a degree, and made a new life. Several years later I got remarried and had a happy life for a long time. Meanwhile my ex was going through wives and marriages like they were revolving doors. Every failed marriage he woukd look me up, try to get back together, tell me how he knew he treated me wrong, I was his one true love. No thanks! That was now 40 years ago. Hes alone, miserable and deserves to be that way. I have a wonderful husband, beautiful home and family.
You got away! Thats the first and biggest step! You dont need him. Remember that in weak moments. Reach out to family, friends, church. Seek out help and guidance. You deserve love and kindness. It will take time but you can put him in the past and move on to have a happy life. I promise. If I can do it, you can too. Believe in yourself and your abilities. Lean on your family, friends people that love you. Go online, I am sure there are forums chat rooms that might help you.
You can do it. Things will gey better. Look forward..not back. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2022): I have. I fled with my daughter and dog in 2018. Best piece of advise I can give you and given to me by my friend was. Get to tomorrow and if you still feel bad, get to the next day and then the next until you start feeling better.
For me, it was on the 3rd day I felt this immense weight lifted off me and I was free. But, I had to go through 2 years of counselling with my daughter because of the emotional damage he had done.
It's important to seek therapy my dear. Therapy will also teach you to never choose a life partner like that. Avoid another relationship too soon after this one as you're more likely to fall into another abusive relationship.
All the best
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