A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Anybody have any success stories about getting back with an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend? I'm talking about after a long break up. I've recently been "dating" my ex who I was with for 8 years. We broke up two years ago. He told me he never got over me leaving him. I left him because I didn't feel like he was in the relationship anymore .. He was grumpy and distanced and I felt unappreciated. He told me he was depressed at the time and that he regrets ever treating me that way. We've been like two young kids in love/lust since we started dating again. He seems so different now!Can it work?! He's still hurt by the fact that I broke up with him and not sure if he can open up about it right now.. I know that exes are exes for a reason so that's why I'd like to hear of any success stories!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): Yes. We dated for a year, broke up for 4 months, got back together and have now been together for 3.8 years more and are now engaged.
A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (2 July 2014):
Of course it can work. All you need to do is find a way of sticking together and communicating at difficult times in the future. He must have felt abandoned by you when he was ill, but you also felt that. Don't gloss over this. Depressed people are hard to be with because they seem to take it out on those they love just when they need them around. Agree a strategy in case this happens again. He really needs to agree to get treatment in future if the depression returns. As well as letting you know what is happening. You can read up on how to cope yourself, which means not taking it personally, getting away from the person and having time for yourself, being supportive. The best treatment for depression is CBT. It is more coaching to think positively than spilling your heart out, so quite suitable for men who don't like the sound of "talking about things". One day you may need him to be there for you too, all couples have hard times. Very good luck, be happy together.
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A
female
reader, Catnessbeans  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 I personally believe it takes a very set mind to break up with someone you've been romantically involved with for such a long time. First your heart feels hurt because you're ACTUALLY considering leaving them. Then your mind rationalizes the pros and cons of staying. Logical decisions are made. You start planning a life without them by your side. Your mindset changes. You have been over him for two years which is quite awhile. It shows you weren't all over the place with your decision and your reason for breaking up was a clear and valid one. I believe you made the right decision since you stood by it for 2 whole years and haven't considered getting back together earlier. I fear entering a relationship with him again will just repeat the cycle of what happened in the past. As for myself, I had taken back the very first boy that became my boyfriend whom I had broken up with a year previous. The love initially was newfound, honeymoon-ish, "innocent" lovely teenage love all over again. However, eventually (it took almost a year of dating again) I realized all those qualities of his personality that had made my heart decide he wasn't the one for me. Furthermore, his eagerness to love me again and his excitement that I really was back felt so forced and smothering. He was constantly afraid of messing up. I saw that the relationship was taking its toll on him. He was thinking too hard to make sure we don't break up again that he lost himself and his self worth. That is not what a relationship is about and things ended up not going well. Thus, I had to break up with him again and it really is emotionally unfair and heartbreaking 50 times as much when it's the second time. This is my story and there really are success stories out there but my advice would be that an ex is an ex for a reason. Going around the rollercoaster a second time and having things not turn out well will be many many many times harder than the first breakup. Many lucks, friend :) Hope my answer helped.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 I personally know of one story, young married couple, two kids.
Neighbour's live in boyfriend left her for another woman, neighbour the stereotypical helpless type, all blonde hair and long legs, requested young husband's help with all sorts of things, starting the car, buying tyres, stuff in the house, the yard .... the whole gamut of 'chores' a husband and father would usually do, leaving him little to no time for his family .... he left them. There was a divorce, settlement, sale of family home and access arrangements.
He was gone for 3 years and in the meantime young wife got her sh*t together, rebuilt her and the kid's lives, retrained, got a good job ..... and he was back said he had made a terrible mistake.
He had to re woo his wife, (ex wife?)she had certain expectations of him that had not existed while they were married, he jumped through hoops and grovelled. He told me their story.
They had been back together for a few years when I met them, his greatest desire was for her to marry him again, a more devoted husband and father I had not met, and yet, she didn't quite trust him enough to remarry, and he understood this.
So, does you ex boyfriend understand that while you seem to have accepted his hurt he doesn't seem to accept your feelings and how he contributed to the break up. What is he willing to do to make it work this time?
What is he doing different now that will convince you he has changed, for the better, not worse?
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