A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am totally in love with my ex and have been for 5 years now! Believe me, I have tried every trick there is to get over him but nothing has worked. Ive dated other men and fancied other men but my ex is the one in my heart. The sad thing is that he does not feel the same. We were on and off for a couple of years and he did treat me like dirt. So youre probably wondering why I love him so much but that is something I ask myself everyday but I dont understand why. Even tho we split in August last year the feelings are so intense still that I cry sometimes over him. He knows how much I love him, and has even admitted before that I am the only girlfriend who has ever treated him nicely, but still he doesnt want to be with me. So Ive resigned myself to the fact that I wont ever be with him. But its SO hard. We live in a small town so I am always hearing gossip about who he is seeing etc and it literelly kills me although I make out that it doesnt bother me. Sometimes Im even scared to go out in case I see him with another girl even though I know that sooner or later it will be inevitable. I would do anything for this man. So I have thought now about going away for a few months. My workplace offer sabbaticals where we are allowed to take time off and I am considering going to australia for 6 months. But the reason I would like to go is not because of the country or the 'travelling experience'. I think that going away would help me get over this man. Im hoping it would broaden my perspectives about life and make me see that there is more to this world than the little town I live in and my ex. Im really up for doing it, but then on the other hand Im worried that Im using this to run away from my problem and when I come back home I will just see him and BAM fall back in love again. So my question is, has anyone else been in a similar situation? Has anyone gone away to get over an ex and does it work? And is this a good idea? I would be grateful of any advice! x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Yes - a clean break is what is required here. Move to a different town, file away all mementos in an old chest in the attic. However, this approach may only work once. If this happens in your next town/place of work then you should seek professional advice otherwise your life will be negatively impacted and you will actually start to lose direction and achieve less in your life time than others who are not quite so limerent. Good luck. FifthQuadrant.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (22 March 2009):
Well, I must say, Australia is a wonderulf place :) hehe I live here.
I think going away could be benefical. I know that when me and my ex bf broke up, I found it so hard to move on, because the city I live in isnt that big- I was always running into him, and eveyrone knew each other etc... So it did make it hard. Ive always found that having a 'clean break' from your ex is what really helps you move on. So I think this could be a good idea. Its about you seeing that life without him, can be great, that you are fine by yourself and that there are other people out there. It will also give yourself a great break from all of what he puts you through. You will have no reminders of him. I think that for you to really move on, you need to cut him out of your life- as much as you can. That means ,deleting his number, taking him off your social networking frineds lists etc...
Now, you said he treated you really badly. And you are wondering why you still love him. I can understand this, its very common for women in abusive relationships to still be in love with their abuser. I know, ive been there. I think its partly because you see the goood side in them, and obviously they did treat you well at times, so you hold onto those moments and ignore the bad things they did. Also, there is a academic theory that talks about how people who are held at gun point, captured etc, they 'bond' with the person who does this to them. Its called Stockholm Syndrome and it relates to how women in abusive relationships still love their abuser. Go to this site, if you would like to read more, its faily interesting and it will explain why you feel how you do:-
http://drjoecarver.makeswebsites.com/clients/49355/File/love_and_stockholm_syndrome.html
I am also guessing that partly why you may be holding onto him is due to low self esteem. You said he treated you really badly, so no doubt, this has effected yourself esteem, caused you to feel low about yourself etc? You may even think that you will never be good enough for anyone else, therefore these feelings may be holding you back from moving on. You ARE better than him. You deserve SO much more than him. Dont you think you deserve to be treated with respect? Dont you think you deserve to be treated nicely, just how you treated him? You not only deserve it, it is your RIGHT to that. Everybody has the right to be treated with respect. Think of all the things you want in your dream relationship, such as respect, caring, sensitivly, etc...than think of how your relationship with your ex was the complete opposite.
Another option, rather then travelling overseas for 6 months, is to see a counsellor. They may be able to help give you some coping skills with all of this. Hope this has helped :) take care
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