A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, all of this is pretty long-winded so i dont blame you at all if you struggle to keep up. so not to beat around the bush, i am a sixteen year old (soon to be) college student living with my biological father. i recently moved out of my mother's house to live with my dad after an argument that proved the final straw and left me seriously unhappy living at what was then my home. i am happy now as my dad is a good man and has never done me harm, though i would be lying if i were to say i wasnt at all miserable. admittedly (and as i would have hoped) i am a lot happier living where i am, because arguments no longer take place and i feel a lot more relaxed than i did before. my friends say this happiness is evident, as before i was a very depressed person who rarely had good days at all. but i miss my two younger brothers terribly. they were the one thing that brought joy to the house before, even after an argument with my mother. the main reason i left home was because of my mum's most recent husband of two 1/2 years, who was able to stir trouble into any situation and rarely had a good word to say about me. i would never be able to speak to my mum alone as he would always be lurking, unable to leave his 'darlings' side for any longer than 20 seconds. he is only ten years older than myself, though alarmingly i appear to have a maturity age older than his. he had no respect for me so in return i had none for him, and there was noticeable hatred everyday within the house because of this. my mum, unfortunately succumb to his every wish, ignored what i had to say during a dispute and would do everything he wanted her to (she has been subject to harmful relationships during the past). a lot of our disputes would find themselves on facebook, where she would display our situation publicly to her entire friends list, stretching the truth to an unreal (and almost hilarious) level each time and also humiliating me in the bad light i was being placed within.it wasnt just emotional abuse; sometimes she would be violent towards me. it wasnt always direct physical violence but she would aggressively stand up and run towards me, and i would have to leave the room with a slammed door behind me in hope not to get a slap, or occasionally worse.the night i made the well-considered decision to leave, i packed my bags and went down to my grandparents' house (they live near by; however my mum had fallen out with them both several months before, and had rarely been in contact since). my cousin and his partner were there also, and i informed them of the situation. i told all of them exactly what i wanted which was to move in with my father and decide later on whether it were to be a short or long-term move. my cousin assisted me to my dad's house and explained the situation to him also. my dad was ok with it and spoke as civilly as he could on the phone to my mother that night. i then spoke to her and explained my reasons for wanting to move, though she was still in serious denial and repeatedly asked me to return home. she then spoke to my cousin (well, i wouldnt dignify it with the word 'spoke') and hurled verbal abuse after abuse at him, making homophobic comments about himself and his partner. two weeks later, my cousin, his partner and my grandparents' both received a letter stating clearly that they were not to communicate under any circumstances with my two younger brothers (12 and 14) as my mother and her husband (both blind) claimed to feel 'threatened' by them. a further week later, my father also received a letter, this time stating my mother's custody over my brothers, with the agreement that my father see them once each week (this was already the current agreement, so money was wasted on the court hearing that followed). my mother made horrible statements about my father in the letter he received, and after only recently coming out of a deep depression and still being delicate, i worried for his mental and physical health following its arrival. luckily he has coped well with the situation, and we have both supported each other through it all.however, my grandparents have not coped so well. my grandmother is extremely saddened by the situation, and feels a great loss for my brothers due to the lack of contact she will receive from them both. my grandad has tried to assure her that it will not last forever, but the heartache is still there for her. i know you can say that my mother feels the same loss for me, but what i have failed to mention already is that she asked me (on several occasions) to move out of the house and in with my father, though at the time i did not think he would have been able to cope with the move in a positive manner. now he is well again, i trust him to do all he can for me. also, with my mother it was only what i felt comfortable in doing; with my grandparents, the punishment most definitely does not fit the crime.basically, things are a mess. i was in almost regular contact with my mother in the first couple of months of the move, but now i have just given up completely. i still receive the occasional 'i love you' text, but i have no idea how to reply to it. try as i might, emotions still get the best of me, even though i try and block them out through my social life and hopes for the future. but i just feel as if things are falling apart, and worry for my brothers who are still at a considerably young age, and may find the whole situation too overwhelming for them to cope with (one of my brothers suffers from autism, and sometimes gets mixed feelings).i would just like to know, has anyone experienced anything close to this before now? are you too a child who has left one parent to live with another; or perhaps even a mother/father of a child they have lost to another relative? i just want to know that i am not in this alone, and that there is a happy ending at some point. thank you.
View related questions:
cousin, depressed, emotionally abusive, facebook, grandmother, money, moved out, text, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Yes I really feel for you in this your Mum has put you kids in the middle like the meat in the sandwich. The comforting thing is that as your brothers grow up and have more freedom you will get to spend more time with them.
Hang in there sweet.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): moo's mum, i am still in contact with both of my brothers; however only on a weekly basis. i have left school now but i still try and see them as often as i can. it still hurts though.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (18 July 2010):
Sorry I have not experienced this so I can't reassure you but I was so sad to read your post and had to reply. Your mother sounds very immature so I think you are definately better off not living with her. Can you be a little bit cunning at keeping in contact with your brothers. e.g write letters to them and get a friend to give them to them at school. Can you meet them at school and have lunch with them?
I'm sure things will all work out in the end but I honestly would expect too much from you Mum she's not deep enough to think about any of this. Good luck doll and god bless.
...............................
|
