A
male
age
41-50,
*iceolderguy
writes:When I was 28 I was in a 4.5 year relationship with a younger girl, she was only 18 when we started dating. We had a son together and when our son was 18 months old she said she made a mistake settling down with me and wanted to experience her youth. She said that she felt like she was missing out because she lost a lot to her friends because they were out partying and being young while she was easing a family and playing the role of a wife. I was hurt but I kinda saw her point, she didn't get the same experience as people her age and I guess I kinda just excepted it. We shared custody of our son by it got nasty and we spent a lot of time in and out of court. We both got bitter, I didn't like seeing her with other guys and she didn't like that I was doing well with my work. We fought a lot and it got to the point that we had family do most of the exchanges regarding our son. Jealously was the main reason things got bad between us after the split. I hated seeing her with other guys and her knew it bothered me so she rubbed it in my face. A year and half ago I was in a bad car accident and she was one of the first people at the hospital. She spent countless hours by my beside and was there when I need help with recovery at home. I had to learn to walk again and had intensive physical therapy and she was at all of my appointments. With being in the hospital we spent a lot of time talking and just sorting out all of our differences. We have been getting along great, we have no issues with being in the same room together anymore and when there is a problem or an issue where we don't agree on something we can maturely sit down and figure it out. We have been slowly spending more and more time together. Last week we had sex, it wasn't planned it just happened. I never lost feelings for her even when we weren't getting along. I loved her then and I still do. I told her how I felt and said she regretted ever leaving and that was why she was so bitter when she saw that I moved on with my life so quickly. Friends think I'm crAzy and that she is only here for money. I have a very successful business and do well finicially. They said that if our age was an issue in the past it will be again later in life. Some guess I wondering if anyone has had a age difference relationship that actually worked and lasted in the long run.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 The age isn't the issue any more. You have a toxic past together and unresolved issues. Giving it a go again could be a good idea, but no more sex for a while, go on dates and treat it like a new relationship (which it is!) - don't rush things.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 No, actually some girls prefer dating older guys. Many older women do prefer younger men but many many women usually marry older guys. I have problem dating men my age (25) and realize just recently after dating men in their 20s that I feel a lot sexier, younger, admired by guys slightly older (around 30s year old) and the sex is far better. Also the conversation is fun and older men are steadier in their life and have a stronger moral foundation (but really they arent that old so I feel weird saying older men, they are just young 30-something year old guys lol).I have met many guys around my age and to be honest, they would be compatible with 19 year old girl so Im not surprise you met someone who was 18. Also the marraiges that last the longest between men and women were people who were usually closer in age around 1-10 years of age. When youre 50 shes 40, 70 shes 60 so theres not much diff later on so I wouldnt worry about it =) On the fact that you had a bad history with her, just look at it like this ---she was young! But you guys had child and now you both are older and wiser and maybe love can come back again. The fact that the sex wasnt planned and that it happened naturally just means that all those feelings of romance are coming back so naturally and none of this is planned. Thats the magic of life , just enjoy the rideGood luck!
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 Yes, these relationships can last and do. Maturity does step in eventually and it seems that she does care for you. One note of caution: take things slowly. In the bliss of being reunited, both of you might want to rush into marriage etc but don't. She's a different woman and you're a different man after all this time and it's best to treat this relationship with slow paced actions. Date her and get to really know her again. Your friends care for you and want to best for you but let them know respectfully that you're listening and will take things slowly, this will help them relax a bit. I'd be very worried if my friend jumped back into a relationship with someone that had previously hurt them etc but I'd breathe a sigh of a relief if that same friend let me know that they are going in eyes wide open and aren't rushing things. I dated an older man and he was the one being immature and wanting to party etc. We broke after years of dating because I wanted different things. I wanted to travel, have kids and eventually get married. But I also wanted a partner, a man who would let me in and he could never be that for me. Age really doesn't matter, it's the person behind the age. Is their character, their experiences and goals a match for your own? Are they able to reach compromises with you? Do they accept you as you are? Love I learned comes with the best intentions in the world. But love needs to be supported, some basis needs to be in reality. I still carry feelings of love for my ex, not romantically but if he was in trouble, I would help him as best as I could. Again, get to know her more, go on dates, spend time with your child etc and see if you fall in love with her all over again. It's true, we change from being 18 to 25 but the foundations of our personalities are still there. If you both date and find out there's no compatibility, just work on being great parents for your child. I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 June 2016):
 My husband is 13 years younger than I am. I am 56 and he is 43. We are together 6 years and I doubt if I had met him at 18 I would have looked twice at him.
who we are at 18 is not who we are at 25 or 30
people grow mature and change. I think you two should give it a shot.
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A
male
reader, 11muds11 +, writes (10 June 2016):
My thoughts are that a woman at 18 is completely different than when she's in her mid to late 20's. At 18, most of my female friends really did "just want to have fun". But of course things change, and most women I have known, do mature well after 22.What I'm trying to say is that it is natural that things happened to you, when she was so young. She is a different human being now, as it usually is.Your friends are only being protective of you, as you probably told them how she hurt you. That's their job, and I see what they're saying. But most women in their late 20's cringe when they look back at themselves at 18. Their priorities are different, and their life cycles push them to mature.In my family, the average age for the first marriage is 38 for the men, and 25 for the women, and there's never been one divorce in our family tree. 124/124. From what I know, a 28 with an 18 year old, is completely different than a 38 year old with a 28 year old. In fact, I find most females who are 28 are more mature than the men at 38. Sometimes way more so.I don't at all think that age is an issue anymore. But the important thing you said, is that she spent the time to nurse you back to health. And you speak of it glowingly. That's not easy to do, and she could have not done it, and waited till you got better and then "moved in". That would have been easier. She didn't. She came at helped you in your time of need. Sorry, but that's always a good sign in my book.She's put in the time and effort to get your relationship on track, when you were at your lowest point. I think it would be smart of you to do the same now, as from what you've written, she more than deserves a second chance. Keep those lines of communication improving from what you've learned so far. That will continue to need to improve, but it sounds like you're off to a good start.Some couples would have spent thousands of dollars of where the two of you are on the relationship trusting and bonding scale, because of your rehabilitation and how you worked together. I would recommend not for you to give that up.As far as money, I'll paraphrase Marilyn Monroe: "Money for women, is the same as good looks is for men. It's just a way to get you in the door." it's just a part of the attraction, but won't keep you there.I think it would be silly for you not give it a full shot. You're going to have to sit down with your friends, though, and tell them to stop. You don't need it now, and it's got so bad you had to write on here. I can understand why they're doing it, but you need their support now.She put in the time and effort, from what you're writing, I think it might be time for you to do the same. It makes for a wonderful couples story for your kids. But that's just my thoughts. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 It depends really. It seems from what you said that she just wanted to be young while she was.
Now that shes older she might actually want the relationship as she was with you before and did love you.
She might very well have regretted it. You are the father of her child.
On the other hand, she probably is just looking for the money and stability you provide. I would guess she saw that there wasn't much out there and you are the best option.
Which one is she? I don't know. But you do. You know her and what she is really like. So does she want you back?
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