A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm stuck in a real moral gray area. My closest friend of seven years got married and had a kid in the last year, and now she is having major issues with her husband (who also happens to be someone i grew up with for 12 years). He just about refuses to work, and when he does get a job, he gets fired for not showing up or he quits because it is boring. They have no money because of him, he doesn't really give a damn, and they have been kicked out of three apartments already. They lived with her grandmother in NY for a time, but got kicked out because of him, and now they live with her mother and he is driving the mother nuts because all he does is eat their food (complain about it), sleep, and play computer games. Now, i love this woman, always have, always will... she knows it, everyone back home knows it, and even the husband knows it. I would do anything in a heart beat for this woman... What should I do? should I do what I can to help save the marriage, or should I try and convince her leave him (wouldn't take much... she has already talked to me about it). If she leaves him, should would it be right for me to get back together with her? I already love the kid, and supporting her and the kid would be no issue for me at all. My only reservation is that I am in the military, and I dont want to have her go through a divorce and getting back with me only to have me die in a few months (god forbid).This is the hardest decision of my life because I will lose a friend that is like family to me on either side with either choice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): As hard as it my be i suggest you stand back and wait. If her husband is a bad as you say then the marriage will eventually end. Then and only then she will be free to be yours. If you wait for the marriage to be over before you start a relationship you wont have to loose a friend because you wont be blamed for the break up. If he's such a good mate you could advise him that his behaviour is going to cost him his marriage. If it fails you can claim you tried to worn him. You say he knows you love his wife, that means he never cared to much about your friendship ay?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): there are two things here...
1) think you have to advise her that he is a tosser as we Brits say.
2) then you have to treat her as friend - if you want more then you are a fool - she will need friends first.
Star.x.
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