A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear friends,I'm happily married, 28f. Two years ago I realised that love doesnt have reins. I began to like a person very much quite secretly. Though it did not cause any of us any harm I still like him. I have also deduced from his eyes that he likes me too in some way. I was j when he finally got engaged n married. But my feelngs have not changed. Perhaps, its not love at all or this is real love. No, we don't meet,talk or contact much. But I hold him close to my heart wishing him lots of happiness.Any opinions on my feelings?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): You decided to START liking someone else that was not your Husband SECRETLY. You made a choice. Then you are entertaining thoughts of another man.Didn't cause any harm. Hmmm. Yet you kept this from Husband and now think of this other man often and are even jealous of his Wife??Did you and this other guy ever 'have' anything? Or is it all in your head?This infatuation you have may be a symptom of you becoming a cheater. Have you ever cheated before you married? Do you have a pattern of growing 'bored' in a relationship? Would you say you are a narcissitic person or a cheater? Do you believe in monogamy but only if its the man in your life who lives it but you do not have to?Happily Married.So why are you even thinking of this other guy and putting time and energy into him INSTEAD of your husband? Thats time you could be writing naughty but exciting notes/texts to your husband. Its time you could replaying last nights romp with Hubby. Its time you could be calling Husband and leaving him an I Love You voice mail. Time you could be thinking of a romantic evening with Husband.It takes great restraint to REMAIN monogamous and faithful to those we love and it is even in THOUGHTS that we should be doing so. There is a saying, as a man thinketh, so is he. Meaning how we think is also how we act. When we continue to entertain such thoughts the desire to act on them becomes greater.I suggest you read over an article I adore. It helps establish BOUNDARIES and STANDARDS to govern yourself by especially if you want to safe gaurd your marriage against affairs.http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/Article.aspx?a=47Also I am also going to suggest some individual counselling so you can start being fully honest with yourself and figure out why you would need some guy to obsess over as a distraction from whatever you are running/hiding from.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): Happily married yet interested in another guy?is your partner forfilling your needs? ignore this guy and see if by improving (even though you say its good) your marriage. Definatly sounds to me your needing some spice in ur marriage. Doing ANYTHING with this other man will end in tears. leave it as a crush and focus on ur marriageMaybe ur partner feels like they need the spice back too and then that can be alot easier to fix.do you still do atleast SOME of the things you used to do in the start of the relationship?Try to find time for each other at least one time a week. People do change as they grow. But communication is the best key to the marriage along with friendship! Ive been married 4 years but i get alot of advice from my grandma/pops they've been married 64 years! older couples are the best ones to get advice from!There are many good resources and books online and offline that could help you get some insight into your problem. Myself and others i know have had some very positive results from them.I cant recommend a specific one for you as they seem to be tailored to certain situations etc. Try looking on http://www.RelationshipHelpReviews.com and look at some of the reviews on there, some of the free ones can be a little wishy washy but they provide a good source of ideas of how to sort out some problems you have - hey the more support the better. Most importantly, whats always worked for me is to try (its hard i know) and remember that no matter what, your an amazing human being, (regardless of feelings you may have for another guy - ur only human) and that times like this test and build us and our relationships into who and what we are. Stay strong. xx
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 December 2011):
 Many people, while married, still cherish someone deep down in their hearts. Whether it is a friend, past mate or even a crush, it is completely NORMAL to feel this way. Often times it is a fleeting crush and other times it is something that people carry with them for most of their lives but you aren't alone in your feelings, as humans are always attracted to each other regardless of their current commitments. As you are finding out, being married doesn't mean that magically your feelings are turned off for other people.
What being married does mean, however, is that you have to respect the social and moral boundaries that the institution of marriage does entail; at least if you value your marriage. So harness those feelings of affection and share them with your husband -- you'll be guaranteed to reap those rewards from him.
Finally, keep your crush personal and to yourself. Whatever you do, don't get buy into it and entertain thoughts of further exploring it -- at least if you value your marriage. Often times, these crushes are like the siren call of nothing but trouble and heartbreak -- for you, for him and for your husband.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): I think you need to stop focusing on this other guy and focus on the relationship you chose. There is a reason you made the choice you did.
Besides which, it doesn't seem like you 'love' the guy romantically... more just care about him as you would a brother or a close friend you've known for years.
If you are HAPPILY married, put all thoughts of this other guy away where they belong, in the back of your mind. Keep any and all communications with the other guy perfunctory and only when you HAVE to talk to him.
It's time you stopped looking back and started appreciating and feeling like this for the man you married.
Flynn 24
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