A
female
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anonymous
writes:Ive just found out im 5 weeks pregnant. Ive only been with my partner a couple of months. My ex who i was with for 3 years finished with me in March this year and went straight out with someone else. I was so heartbroken by this that I jumped straight into another relationship and now I'm pregnant despite only having unprotected sex once and taking the morning after pill. When I was with the ex I really wanted a baby but sadly I miscarriec at 6 weeks. I want to be happy about this pregnancy but I think I still love my ex and im not attracted to my current bf I realise this relationship is a rebound. However this guy is amazing he really cares about me and is so funny kind and generous I know he will would make an excellent father. But I can really have a child with someone I don't love and while I still love my ex? Ive kind of hoped that we would get back together eventually and I don't even know why because he hurt me so much at the end. He does not deserve to have me back. Half of me is says me is saying keep the baby and concentrate on new partner and new family and the other half is saying to terminate the pregnancy as I still love my ex And we could possibly get back together one day??? Please I need some advice As just don't know what to do. I'm 32 and bf is 37.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2015): if you don't want the child, consider adoption. an abortion coul bring more heart ache due to deep emotional wounds..
A
female
reader, sunset93 +, writes (24 August 2015):
Your choice of whether to be a mother or not should not be didcated by your feelings for another man. It's a very hard position, as you must feel your starting a new chapter of your life now with a man you're not really too sure you want to start it with.
Think first about the baby, as abortions are time limited. No one here can tell you to keep or have the baby. Termination is a very personal and private choice, everyone woman will feel differently about it. That decision must come from you alone. Consider, without both men in the picture, do you want a child at this point in your life. Are you able to cope? Do you want to be a mum? This might take you a while and some quiet time to figure out, like any woman deciding to keep a child is a big decision and you are allowed to have your doubts. At any time either bloke could come in and out of a picture, but a child is for life and if you really want to be a mum or if you really dont, the answer will come to you.
Now, to the men.
Try and consider why you still have feelings for your ex. If this is down to recent contact or if you are still mourning the relationship. A break up as no time recovery, and sometimes people can just stick in your mind, even when in new relationships. Recent contact can also bring on new feelings, and in reality some people you never get over, and that fond affection will always be there. But try to reason with yourself why these affections are there and if during the rebound period is you really gave yourself time to get over your past love.
Sometimes, people dont allow enough time to grieve, and carry the old relationship on to the next. The pregnancy as also possbily raised memories over your previous miscarriages, which reminds you what you could of had with your ex. This is always horrible to go through, but try not to think too much on the past.
After you have come to terms with why you still have affections towards your old partner, you'll know why you feel differently about your new one. Try not to compare the two but think about them seperatly, if you really dont love this man, then don't continue a relationship with no affection. The worst thing to do is enter in commitment with somebody that your not sure you want to be with for the long run.
So my advice is deal with the pregnancy and men seperatley.
1) Do i want to be a mum?
2) who do my affections really lie with?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2015): Consider keeping the baby. It might be the best decision you make.
There are consequences to terminating - both psychological and
physical. Perhaps adoption is also a possibility?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): I was in an identical situation a few years ago. Broke up with my ex who I was deeply in love with but it never would have worked between us. Had a rebound boyfriend who honestly I didn't love and ended up pregnant. I knew he would be a fantastic father and family man but I just didn't love him in the romantic sense.I decided to stay with him and keep the baby as I knew he would be a great father and treat me right too and I vowed to learn to love him. Fast forward a few years and I honest DO love him now but more as a family member. I have some regrets about not settling with someone I felt more romantic love and sometimes I still think about my ex but I treated very well and we have our lovely daughter. I have all the security of a nice little family and I love it and wouldn't change anything if I could go back in time.It's your decision but I say stay with him and have the baby ! Hope that might help your situation a little bit :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): Keep the baby you won't regret it&& it'll make him stay
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (18 August 2015):
whatever you do with the pregnancy, forget about the idea of getting back with your ex. As you said he caused you a lot of pain at the end of the relationship, and if he couldnt treat you right first time round why would he do it a second time? If he wanted a second chance he would have contacted you and made a real effort. He hasn't. He found someone else quickly and he has shown that he is not worthy of your time.
Regarding the pregnancy, it might help to get some pregnancy counselling. British Pregnancy Advisory Service provides this in the UK, your GP would know of other providers too. You are surely in shock about this pregnancy but remember that whatever decision you make, it should not be based on your ex. You will regret it if you use him as the basis for deciding such an important part of your future. Good luck
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 August 2015):
 When it comes to parenthood issues, I would never think of asking strangers for opinion. I had been a single mom and not against abortion. My take is, you will grow to love your boyfriend if you firmly go no contact with your ex and don't care about his whereabouts. He abandoned you for someone else so the relationship (even if there's chance for reunion) is forever tarnished and trust destroyed. I understand love can not be forced but that usually applies to extremely overweight or unhealthy people whom you find repulsive. If he's kind and amazing and willing to be a father then what more can you ask for. You can also adjust your attitude about rebounds never working out long term. Your age is a factor too. You don't know when you would have the opportunity to get pregnant again so make good use of it. Common statistics say that the morning after pill would not harm the baby if it failed. Have a close check on the fetus at your clinic appointments. If you have an abortion you basically have to prepare for this relationship to end. I don't know a lot of men who would be happy with this if they want to be fathers, especially if the reason is that you still love the ex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): Look, time to woman up. Your ex is permanent history and you shouldn't terminate a pregnancy just because you still love your ex. Do you want this baby? Just because (if) you choose keep the baby, doesn't mean you should stay with this guy; you both deserve to have people who are in love with you. Can you afford a baby and properly take care of it?
You can have an abortion, or give the baby up for adoption (or let the father have full custody), or you can keep the baby. Either way, don't go back to your ex and don't stay with this guy if you don't love him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): A baby won't solve magically what you still feel for your ex. In fact, it may cause things to become worse for you, since the only reason you are with the current guy is because he is a rebound relationship. You just said that.
I feel as if you are really hoping the baby would magically fix everything. It won't. You would just bring another little person in a house where a mom doesn't love dad. And children do notice that. Believe me. They do.
And please, think in the possibility of your ex not wanting anything with you anymore. What would you do then?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): you are busy being your own worst enemy.You had an ex who didnt appreciate you and a series of unhappy miscarriages and then bingo, you get pregnant for a wonderful caring guy.Surely life has looked kindly on you ,but as you are so used to a cycle of unhappiness you are about to consider ending this wonderful gift of life.Your hormones should be kicking in and im not surprised you feel close to sudden panic as after all your unhappiness it must be difficult to believe it could actually work out alright for you.Its terrible to think that you could actually believe you will get back to your ex,back to mr.wrong.I think you need to try to imagine yourself in a much happier kinder life,where you are thankful for the gift of happiness you have been entrusted with..and congratulations may well be in order!
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