A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married. In the summer i had a fling with a girl in town when the marriage wasn't really working out. Now I have sorted things out with my wife and we are happy again. However the girl I had a fling with text me on sunday saying she is 36 weeks pregnant and the baby is due in April. I need some advice, how do I tell my wife? And I don't want anything to do with this baby as it is just a reminder of my infidelity, I feel like I have been railroaded because I was only told a month before the baby is due. Any advice would be grateful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): Sorry no sympathy here, I wish this would happen to everyone who commits adultery, it would make things easier for the wife or husband to move on to someone else instead of trying to forgive. It would be that one nail on the head, the person who has been betrayed to say bye-bye..My husband's affair also was saying she was probably in the same way, I was ready to go, I cant remember seeing my husband with hatred towards a person as he shown hatred for this woman, he begged me saying it wasnt his, turned out she was lying and wanted money. He cant even stand anything or anyone remotely looking like her, he is so disgusted that he put our lives in this predictament, we are also enjoying each other too more than ever...I am sorry how I feel but I too was betrayed by the One and Only Person I would of died for...Good Luck wiht your decision...Your wife will sooner or later find out..let it be you!
A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (13 March 2007):
Well, you had problems in your marriage and instead of sorting them you just went and looked for somewhere to sling your hook. I understand that it was a mistake and you are happy with your wife now, but you cant blame the baby for your mistakes. If i was you, what i would do is get a paternity test. It is strange how you have only just been told about the baby. If she was sure your the dad, why didnt she contact you sooner. If the baby is yours, you will most likely have to pay maintenance. Which is only fair. Your wife will find out at some time, although it is a shame she had to find out at all as im sure it was only a mistake.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): If you had an affair behind your wife's back, you weren't separated, you tried to mend your marriage by getting a little something on the side, and you didn't use a condom or take adequate birth control precautions, You are NOT being railroaded. You are becoming a Father. A Child is not a reminder that you had an affair. Your wife will give you enough reminders after you tell her about this. If she is a decent woman and forgives you, she will want you to stand up, be a man and help raise your child. Get a paternity test. Once you establish that the child is your son or daughter, treat them like your son or daughter - regardless of your relationship with their mother. Every child deserves to know their parents. Advice for getting your wife to forgive you? Grovel and then grovel some more. Apologize and then apologize some more. Give full disclosure on all your future whereabouts until SHE is comfortable and can regain her trust in you. You are going to need her support to raise this child over the next 18 years, so do ANYTHING including kissing her feet. You screwed up. Take responsibility and stand up. And the next time you are having problems, don't lie down! You spoke about all these troubles, but you brought this on yourself. The next time, and there will be a next time, you have a rocky patch in your marriage - deal with it with your wife and get through it instead of thinking about scratching your own itches. All you did this time was complicate the hell out of your own life. There really is some truth to this old Joke - "Why do men name their Penis?" "Because they don't like going around for their whole lives with their decisions being made by a total stranger..."
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): No sympathy whatsoever. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE CHEATED ON YOUR WIFE in the first place. Men like you have brains in their trousers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): I am guessing that your wife will find out about this one way or another. If you keep it from her, and the babies mother seeks maintenance from you, she will certainly find out.
I think therefore you are going to have to tell her.
If you have any doubts that you are actually the father, then you need to get a paternity test too.
With regards to your potential child, you need to decide now how much involvement you want to have with its upbringing, are you absoluetely sure you want nothing to do with "it" just because it reminds you of a mistake you made? Can you imagine that child hearing those words from its father? Obviously you have the choice to have nothing to do with the child, but that of course will have some major implications to that childs development and live as an adult, it would be paying life-long price for your mistake.
I wonder if your wife will be OK with you having nothing to do with it?
As for the way of telling her - I guess you are going to have to tell her directly - making sure you are entirely honest as to not make matters even worse. If you are completely honest with her, hopefully she can support you with whatever decisions you make about the baby and the other women.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): Hi There,
I know it may have been a brief fling for you but you must consider the other girls feelings in all of this. It must be an incredible shock to discover she is pregnant as a result of your affair, and it is also a huge threat to your marriage but Im afraid the decent thing to do is to face up to it.
First you need to establish that the girl is being truthful and that it is your child and take it from there.
It's so easy for men to dismiss the feelings of women they have affairs with. Had she not turned out to be pregnant it must still have hurt her to have had you for a while and then watched you go back to your wife. It must be even worse to then find out you are pregnant so please be kind and a gentleman and do the decent thing.
It's very unlucky I know but it's you who has to live with this, so I think if it is your child that you should come clean, tell your wife and take it from there. You must tell your wife asap as she will find out eventually and you not telling her now will hurt her more in the long run.
I really feel for you but unfortunately you did the crime and must now do the time. Good luck.
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