A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm hoping someone could please provide me with some advice. I was recently in a relationship with my boyfriend for seven years - we got together when we were 15. The first couple of years were amazing, and we were very much in love. More than that, he was my best friend.In 2007 we both started University and everything changed - my father passed away and I was having a very difficult time. I found myself gradually becoming depressed and my boyfriend wasn't very supportive. He didn't understand why I was so upset all of the time, despite my attempts to explain. From thereon in, everything went downhill; my boyfriend would ignore me, prefer to spend time alone and would be quite nasty on occasion. Despite living close to each other, we only saw each other maximum twice per week as he always told me he was too busy (which he later admitted was a lie).Ignoring this, we both got a flat together when we left University. After the novelty wore off, the situation was the same - he wouldn't show hardly any affection towards me, he wouldn't even hug or kiss me and preferred to sleep in a separate bed. Admittedly, throughout this time I became a nag - I just wanted some attention and wondered why he didn't feel the same any more but I seemed to only make it worse. I was openly affectionate, only to be brushed aside. I did everything for him, but no matter what I did he seemed to dislike being around me.Around 8 months ago, I met a guy in work. He really liked me and I also thought he was very sweet. However, I never did anything as I was still in a relationship. We got talking, and after a few months I realised that he was very similar to me and, if I'm honest, I was flattered by the attention I was getting (especially since I got nothing for around 2 years). I decided to break up with my boyfriend as the lease was ending on our flat. My boyfriend took it badly and found out that I was speaking to this other guy and accused me of cheating on him for the entire 7 year relationship - this couldn't be further from the truth, I was completely faithful. I left and my boyfriend was extremely regretful. He kept apologising for how he treated me over the years and said he would always regret it. He said he'd changed, but I didn't believe this as I had told him plenty of times and he had enough opportunity. A few weeks later I slept with the "new guy" - which is completely out of character for me, having only had one relationship in my life. My ex found out about this and it devestated him. I moved out of our flat and he smashed everything up that I'd ever bought him, and all the letters/cards I'd ever written.5 months later, I'm really beginning to miss my ex-boyfirend as a friend. Despite what he did, I really really really loved him - perhaps too much at times and he knew it (and sort of abused that). I miss his little quirks and I'm ashamed for the fact that I slept with someone else so soon after the relationship ended. I cannot imagine how he felt when he found out. It's completely killing me.I text my ex today as I feel as though I need closure. After 7 years of a relationship, he's never provided any explanation as to why he treated me as he did. I also feel as thought I need to apologise for the way it ended - I don't think i'll ever forgive myself for that. He responded with "please delete my number. If you text me again I will change my number". I'm not sure what to do as I'm completely devastated - I don't want a decent part of our past relationship to count for nothing. What we had was very special and I'll always remember it. I feel as though I'll never understand what went wrong and he's not willing to speak to me. Do I just give up contacting him?Please help,Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 So he read YOUR texts? on your phone ? And that is how he found out?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 October 2012):
 THIS phrase is the key to your submittal: "What we had was very special and I'll always remember it..."
Life has a crazy way of going on and on, no matter how much one of this planet's inhabitants is broken hearted, distressed and/or devastated.......
Soooooo, love and enjoy those memories.... and GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): Thank you for your reply.He found out by reading my text messages - not to the guy, but to a friend explaining what had happened. Perhaps he sensed that something was different and felt the need to pry. I'm not too sure.As you say, I did wait until I broke up with him before doing anything as I'm not a liar or cheat but I think the way I went about it was wrong and not very decent of me - If I found out what I did, the way I did it, I would be devastated.I just want him to be happy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 October 2012):
You are not going to get that oh so famous "closure" not from talking to the ex and trying to relive or re-hash the past.
The thing is he was a sucky BF and he even managed to make you feel bad for leaving and for wanting more for yourself.
You DIDN'T start dating the new guy til you had ended the old relationship, which is how it should be.
How you ended it might not have been the best or the "nicest" way, bu really neither was how he treated your for years.
Let him be.
If you truly want a sense of closure, look back at your own behavior rather then his. YOURS you can change in the future, his you can't. Learn from it. Don't stay in a relationship where you aren't treated the way you want.
How did he find out you slept with the new guy?
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