A
female
age
41-50,
*ovesux31
writes:I was in a relationship for 8 damn years and I went through the cheating (with strippers) lying, and just plain old dogging out. Now we have a baby.. and of course after we have the baby, we break up! I actually kicked him out, because this man was playing video games for 8 hrs a day, and no I am not exaggerating. He had no job, and I was pregnant having to find a way to take care of the kids I already have, his butt, and the one on the way. This man is what you call a Sorry Ass Bum. Okay here is the problem.. Can you tell me why the hell am I missing him? Why the hell do I think about him everyday? Why am I worried about if he's with someone or not? Why does he text me asking not to make things right, but to have sex???? I mean through 8 years I have been through so much many would be like uhh huuh! So my dilemma is how to deal with being without him. My big dilemma is that I have of course gained weight after having the baby and now I'm soo not used to being this big, so my confidence is down for real.. I mean I was used to walking in the club and all eyes on me.. now I feel like all eyes are on me, like 'damn she let herself go'. I'm so trying to get it back together, but its so depressing that its causing me to eat and back to step 1. Anyone have any advice??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): I have been there.. 10 years and I thought last week finally we were going to have a future, But he went back to someone else and I haven;t heard from him since. He has vanished for a year before once, walked out one morning. NEVER heard from him all year, I constantly chase chase him all the time.... He uses me when feels like it, even married someone esle whilst we were together, then when he did leave the wife, wasn't for me, nope for someone esle that he lives with now and I am still he girl he uses, despite the pleas of I love you from him and I want to marry you from him..I mean his never met my friends and family, or I his, but of course he has a normal relationship with someone else, but NOT ME!tHE TRUTH IS, Deep down hun if they wanted us, cared loved us, then they wouldn't act like this to us. It is hard I know, I am in the situation, so I do really empathise. But you have to say to yourself, no more now and get a back bone.... New year New start! Let's do it together, get our confidence back, lose the weight were not happy about and make a vow to NEVER contact our horrid ex partners again, ever and have nothing to do with them....
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (23 December 2009):
I FEEL YOU girl. The only way I can explain it is that when he was around, you got so used to having him there that you started to depend on him emotionally. You get used to being with a person. Then when you realize he is gone you find there is nothing available out there. BUT there is a saying: "a man without a future always returns to his past". Its so hard to see a future without him so you start to sometimes think maybe you could have worked it out. My advice is keep yourself busy. Think with your brain, not with your heart. You know he wasnt good for you so just keep fighting the feelings. The loneliness is tough but I tell you, only time can make you feel better. Nothing anyone will say can fix things. For a confidence boost I recommend experimenting with online dating. This is just to find some guys to flirt and chat with, you are not going to be ready for a serious relationship. Maybe go out for coffee with friends or go to a class to learn a skill (eg. Salsa/gym/flower arranging etc).
If nothing else makes you quit this "poor me" period, just remember one thing: he has moved on and is ENJOYING HIS LIFE while you sit there feeling sorry for yourself. I know its not easy; I've been there. Just do the best you can each day until you breakthrough the hurt. All the best
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