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female
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anonymous
writes: Question for guysDo men find the bodies of women in porn superior to those of their girlfriend/wife? I'm not talking about the feelings or warmth etc, just the way we look. Honest answers please
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male
reader, Joe  +, writes (31 December 2005):
personally when i look at my girlfriend from a strictly phyiscal way no women is more phyiscally attractive or have a better body.
your type of question will obviously differ with men but in my honest opinion to me my girlfriend who ever it could be at the time will be the only attractive thing to me
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (31 December 2005):
 i agree with lorel , the media says what harsh but fair has described is the best body but more to the point i think that this is simply HIS personnal opinion, which is fair enough but he shouldnt speak on behalf of all mankind! my husband certainly dosent think a cute ass is the best he likes a huge wobbly one, and i have many exes whos though big messed up rock chick hair is sexier than shiney hair, and "nice tits" well my guy just likes dark nipples and softness, whats one mans wine is another mans poison. and i dont think any woman should be pleased with just being able to turn her man on by touch alone he has a hand for that! if he dont appreciate you find someone who does and makes you feel sexy!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 December 2005):
 MY MY much ado about one of the stupidest questions ever to appear in this column!
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female
reader, lorel +, writes (22 December 2005):
Hi I can honestly say I dont want to look lkike that at all. I wouldnt swap my 5 foot body and brunette hair for a million dollars. Thats the truth..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): my answer for this is really not what you want to hear, but the truth. most men want women to look pretty much like porn star women. long blonde hair, light eyes, tiny waste big boobs and nice but. plain and simple. sure, none of us look like that but there's a reason why they beat off to pics of women that fit that desciption rather than pics of us. sad but true. of course they will never tell us that. i think every women kinda wants to look like that too. but not reality.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (20 December 2005):
 Lorel
I understand where you're coming from but I think this is more animal (yes, animal) and genetic than you think so I would say to that extent YES men are born with these desires. It is the result of millions of years of evolution (or a few days of creationism depending on your POV).
Certainly trends and fashions in society and in the media affect what is seen to be "cool" or attractive and indeed men in different cultures or even races find different physical attributes attractive... But at the end of the day you will find an overwhelming majority of men from whatever race, religion, etc. like the same things.
Pretty smile
Nice tits
Good skin
Shiny hair
Right weight (not fat not thin)
Cute ass
To Anonymous 19th Dec - your story is sad and is a reflection of the damage pornography use can cause in a relationship.
HBF.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): I agree with anonymous when it come to the feelings and emotions. To answer your question. I believe yes but in fantasy more than reality.
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female
reader, lorel +, writes (20 December 2005):
Hi again harshbut fair, I knwo what your saying about the media reflecting public opinion but look at it this way....the standard is set by society right (whether media is part of it or not) this standard is not inherant or something you werer born with. The way to see this is to look back through history and consider the changing definitions of beauty. Ie what would be consider overweight today was once considered the height of beauty and what today is considered ideal was at times seen as scrawny, right?
Pale skin was at sometimes more desirable and tanned at others was seen as better. long hair, short hair, dressing skimpily, dressing modestly etc.
Where the standard is set is complex and in todays society the media plays a huge role. In the past those with wealth and power traditionally set the values....
Men who are in touch with their own sexuality dont take therir cues as to what is attractive from society, the media or anyone else, they go deeper and look within.(Im not saying you are not like that possibly you are, actually you have responded respectfully and considered my view, I have no reason to think you are anything other than an honest good guy trying to understand other points of view, so please dont take offense).
Why do men automatically say thin is somehow more attractive than chubby, flawless skin better than that with stretch marks etc...I dont think you were born with these preferences. Can you understand why women often complain men are shallow?
To the other poster who explained her partner still used porn despite the fact she looks great. Thanks for your reply I know what your saying, I dont think its a reflection of us and if someone wants to disrespect us they will find an excuse no matter how we look.
Its really ironic, as a mother who is mid thrities, my husband complains and compares in the way I described about things to do with my body, he holds the media ideas as ideal but at the same time my teenagers friends are constantly calling me a 'hot mum and that they would do anything to be with someone like me (lol a pretty gross thought for me). Goes to show that for many young men the ideals presented in the media are maybe becoming boring to them......
Oh well, we damned if we are young and hot, damned if we are young and plain, damned if we are old and hot, damned if we are old and plain....
Cant win lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): Hi, sorry im not a guy but i just wanted to say this, im 19, i have no cellulite, a nice butt and al that other stuff, and i could have sex with my bf evryday if i could, now the funny thing is my bf would rather sit around an wack off to porn instead of being with the real thing, i asked him if it was because i was not any good in bed and he said no.and then i asked why it is that he looks at it and he said it was because he had a higher sex drive and i was not always around , and that is bullshit because i am always around. and also i just wanted to say ladies you dont have to go to the gym or get your hair done if your feeling down about this trust me doing that does not help it makes the situation worse because while your at the gym working your ass off your husbands or boyfriends will be sittin at home wacking off to porn behind your back, you see ladies no matter what we do men are just going to keep finding a new reason to do this. i dont really think that men compare there girlfriends to porn stars, as i am a great example of that, im alot younger and more thinner then some of the women in porn films my bf watches, i think its more of a thrill for men and exciting its sorta like cheating but without all the effort, but overall it does not matter who it is or what these women look like that men are getting off too its the fact they are getting off to someone else and thats disrecpectful , hurtful, rude and very cruel and it really does take away something from a women when men do that and its a very selfish thing that some men do this and dont even think about the effects its having on there loved ones.
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male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (19 December 2005):
Lorel, the media is simply REFLECTING rather than CREATING public opinion. Whether or not you like it and wish it weren't so, MEN AND WOMEN are naturally attracted to fit, healthy members of the opposite sex. We're talking about physical attractiveness here.
If you believe that without the media, men wouldn't appreciate the female form in its most beatiful state, you are totally mistaken. Same goes for women. If what you say is true, why do pretty young girls date good looking guys? You may wish it were different, but it's not. Unless you have an x-factor (money, charisma), people tend to settle down and date people of a similar level of attractiveness to themselves. That's life, you've gotta take it as it is.
Maybe you have had bad experiences with men?
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A
female
reader, lorel +, writes (19 December 2005):
Its all about perception is what Im saying...What you percieve as tea bag tits another man may percieve as the most beautiful breasts in the world because they have suckled his children. What you percieve as a tight fit bod, I may percieve as the body of a youngt woman who hasnt lived yet...
It is shallow when men put one particular body type above another simply because the media tells them its somehow better
Cellutite, unshaved pubs and sagging breasts do not automatically equal an unfit woman........so who is it that really lets their sexual desires be determined by the media????
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (19 December 2005):
Lorel get that chip off your shoulder right now.
A fit bod is a fit bod is a fit bod. Perky tits and a tight butt are just that. Doesn't mean I'd want to spend my life with that person but is it attractive... Hell yeah. Over cellulite, spaniels-ears or teabag tits and a forest of unshaved pubes. Actually, it is.
If I see a fit guy I think "fit guy" and respect him for that, so don't give me all this "men are shallow" stuff.
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female
reader, lorel +, writes (19 December 2005):
Thanks guys for your answers and yes they were what I expected.
DSo I feel insecure ...well, no, do I feel fed up with men percieving a particular body type as better thanb another...well, yes....
Porn brainwashes you men into thinking bodies that look a certain way are better or maore attractive than those that vary from the standard formula...The truth is yes, beauty does come from within, it is about attitude....so why are men so shallow as to think porn bodies are the 'best'. That was more the question I was asking.
Men are SO SHALLOW........they have no idea what true beauty even is.....sorry but I say it like it is too
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): How is this different from asking if it's better for a woman to look like a movie star?
Better than what? Better than being EXACTLY the same in every single way, except 10x hotter? Well, yeah ... sure.
Who cares? You sound like you're insecure, feeling like you DON'T look like a porn star and therefore, somehow, are inadequate. Do you also feel inadequate because you're not Miss Universe or Jennifer Aniston?
They may be having sex on camera, but any way you look at it, porn stars, like all actors, are being paid at least in part for the way they look. Scientists get paid for the way their mind can calculate, and psychologists get paid for the way their mind can emote. Do you feel inferior because you're not as good at those things, either?
It's important to feel attractive, but that's a feeling that comes largely from within. More importantly, it's important to realize that you can be incredibly sexy, even when you're not a size 6 with perfect proportions and a phenomenal bone structure. Good looks might be skin deep, but sexiness is just as much an attitude, and that's something you can control. Think about Scarlett O'Hara. Everyone thinks about her as this unbelievable sexpot, but the truth is, the first chapter of Gone With the Wind described her as barely more than average looking. Her allure was the attitude.
So I have two pieces of advice for you, that I sincerely hope you will take to heart.
1) Stop worrying about this. If there's a guy in your life who cares about you and feels warm and fuzzy when you're around, stop obsessing over whether he thinks there may be others with better looks. It's not what matters, as long as he still gets turned on by your touch. If you're worried about your looks not because of a guy, but because of some of your own insecurities, get a personal trainer, or a haircut or a makeover to give you a little pep.
2) And really, this is the most important advice. Please learn this; it'll be doing yourself (and those around you) a huge favor. **When you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.** Somethings are just better left alone. A person's actions matter far more than any fleeting thoughts.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (19 December 2005):
This is the dumbest question I have ever read. Ok, that was harsh, but top-10. You get porn stars in all shapes and sizes and pretty much by the nature of the job-description they are in reasonable shape (at least when they begin). So yes a lot of them are hot, they are physically fit and attractive which is more than you can say for a lot of your average non-porn ladies. But who cares?
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