A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friends are always trying to set me up with guys and my best friend especially. She's started seeing some lad and is trying to get me to go on a date with his friend. I understand their intentions are good and everything but it's so infuriating for me, since I've told them all that I'm perfectly happy the way things are. It's like I'm being backed into a corner and I have to agree to go on dates even when I don't want to. I'm genuinely happy being single and not seeing anyone. I have a lot of personal issues going on at the minute which I'm trying to focus on, guys are the last thing on my mind. I've told my friends this and yet they still keep doing it. Plus it makes me look and feel like a bit of a loser because its like 'oh yeah my friends have set me up cuz I can't do it on my own' and that I haven't got a backbone to stand up for myself, which really isn't the case. I'm trying really hard not to go full Power Ranger on them for the sake of our friendship but I have to draw a line somewhere. So, really I'm just looking for some advice on how to get my friends to stop doing this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): I had this problem too, during HS, college, and shortly after college. Actually, the older I get, the "worse" my friends get about it. Considering the span of time, it's different groups of friends doing the same darn thing.I have learned long ago that I can't change other's behaviors, but I can change how I react to them. You have been point-blank told your friends you weren't interested and weren't looking. I'm sure you told them what an awkward position you end up in: feeling obligated to go along with a date, and you also have to tell those guys you're on a date with that you're actually not looking (which makes it look like you're sending mixed messages).I have tried to ask people over the years why they feel the need to set me up and I got some interesting answers. "Why do I think you need a boyfriend? You just do." "Because you flirt/throw yourself at guys all the time and it makes you look easy/desperate." "Because you need to get laid." "Because it's awkward to go out with our boyfriends and then you - it'd be less awkward if you had someone." And then there's the people who projected THEIR feelings (that one couldn't be happy while single) onto me. I agree your friends mean well, but they don't listen. They're not taking you seriously. I had to look at my own behaviors (because changing friends/geographical location didn't work) to see what I could be doing to give the wrong impresion. I did flirt a lot, I did gush about cute guys a lot, I did seem like a bit of a "hanger on" when friends invited me out with their dates. I did end up with guys who treated me like shit when I decided who to flirt with. I basically looked desperate, not like an independent woman who was confident in herself.I'm not saying you're doing these things, but you may be accidentally sending mixed messages - you say you're happy with the way things are, but you're giving the impression through actions and body language that you are indeed looking. Good luck getting your friends to listen, you sound a lot like me in the not wanting a boyfriend department.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 Sit your BFF down and tell her, that you DO NOT want to date right now and if she keep TRYING to make you or set you up, you might need to take a break from her.
But that you rather she RESPECTS your choice to NOT date right now. See what she says to that.
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