A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:this is the background to my question:I was in a 3year relationship with a man I loved dearly and with all my heart. However we fought a lot and he never understood the things I needed and I was always wrong which frustrated me a lot and was always unhappy. He is a great guy and treated me well in other ways but when it came to the things we needed we just never understood each other and ended up fighting. I think we just weren’t compatible. Also he wasn’t employed and he refused to get a job and wanted to start his own business, which until now he is battling to start. Then while I was with him I met another guy and we just clicked and understood each other in many ways. I couldn’t be with him of course but I had always wanted to gather up the guts to leave this really hurtful relationship I was in. This new guy really wanted me but for some reason I couldn’t leave my relationship even though I was unhappy. Eventually the first guy and me broke up coz we decided it was for the best. Meanwhile this new guy had sort of moved on and was dating someone else. One day I asked if he was single and he said yes. I asked if he still wanted to be with me and he said yes and we started a relationship. Alas after only three months into the relationship while we were planning our lives together he tells me the girl he was dating was pregnant with his baby. He left me and I was still friends with the first guy so he asked me if we cant get back together again. I told him we should wait and I needed some space to just sort myself out. I also did it so that maybe this time he would get his finances in order but he is still barely making ends meet. Anyway I am in another country now but we keep in touch. I’m not sure that I want to go into that routine of sadness and not understanding each otha anymore. Then guy number three shows up. I met him when I went out for drinks. We understand each other in many ways and are also similar. We have a lot of fun when we are together. He wants to go out with me but I am skeptical of guys coz of what happened with the baby momma guy. I really like him but he hardly ever calls unless I call him and he chooses when he gets to speak to me and I have so much baggage so when I try talk about it he tells me I am giving too many details an he just wants to have fun. If I don’t heal I wont be able to move forward so I told him to wait a while coz I need to decide what I want. I keep wondering each day if he will give me what I need. What is your opinion on the issue? Should I stick to the guy I first went out with or break up with him because I will not be going back to complete happiness or take my chances with this completely new man who seems to want me but doesn’t want to help me through my difficult times? Or should I just leave all of them and start afresh? I am confused please help?I am so scared to fall in love as well coz i think it will hurt coz i gave my self completely to this guy who made another girl pregnant and look where that got me.Now here is my question:Guy no3 doesnt seem to contact me anymore and when i call him he doesnt answer his phone. I have sent text messages and he doesnt respond.should i stop contacting him|?
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female
reader, anni23  +, writes (3 December 2007):
Hi there,
i can totally see why your confused you have been through a lot and it is not easy to deal with. In my opinion i think you should leave all of them behind and try and start a fresh. Although having said that i know itb will not be easy to start a fresh but it will be the best thing. It is important that you do not settle for a guy that is making you unhappy. Thats not what a relationship is supposed to be about.
As for the third guy, i think you should not bother with him. Although there is a connection there if he is not bothered to listen to your problems and help you through them then he is not worth it. You need to be listened to and valued. Having fun is a very important part of a relationship but so is listening and helping each other through difficult times.
I hope i have been of some help, but there will be someone out there who will make you happy and help you to move on. I know it isn't easy to move on but you will feel much better for it and it will give you time to focus on yourself for a while.
All the best, hope everything works out x
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