A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi i am a Pakistani girl and a muslim. So here is my story. I married my first cousin (my mother's sister son) back in 2008. But now we are divorced. The problem is i am a little guilty because it was I who asked for divorce due to several reasons. I will be extremely honest because i want to know the truth. I never liked my cousin nor i liked his family ever but due to my mother's wishes (my whole family except for my mother was against the marriage). But anyhow i got married to him. The problem started right on the day of the wedding. The guy was a total nutcase, because he was fighting in front of everyone verbally. He disrespected my family just because our wedding held in a five star hotel and they gave a honeymoon suite as a present. He didn't like that. he wanted to take me to his parent's home where there wasn't any room for me and my belongings. The biggest problem was that he didn't talk to me like in any romantic way he just bragged about his job all through our wedding night. I was relieved at first because i was having my periods but after two days my periods were over but he still didn't talk to me in anyway. I used to sit alone in my room all day. I went to my parent's house for some reason and they (his family) didn't like my going there. So i went back after a night. Still he didn't even talk to me. He used to sit with his dad and talked all day with him. Whenever i tried to talk to him it always ended up in a meaningless argument about random things like, politics, religion......... I was so frustrated because it was my first time and the fear of having sex with someone was tearing me apart and he was scaring me doublefold with all the suspense. So i went to my parent's home again so that i can talk to my mother. but they got angry again so i went back. Then he asked me about sex in an extremely awkward way. I was embarrassed and i said that i didn't know him very well and i wasn't very comfortable in his parent's house because we were in his older brother's room (he lives with his wife and children in another country) but still his wife's things are in that room. So we went to another city like a honeymoon but he never asked me about sex there although i was ready. When we return from the trip he asked me again and he tried to hold me but i didn't let him because i wasn't feeling comfortable in his parent's house. Like whenever we were in his parent's house he wanted to have sex and whenever we were somewhere else he never talked to me. I just wanna asked you guys, was he impotent or was he shy? Because he told me he was shy and never liked these kinds of things ever even before marriage. Everyone in my family think so. I believe that his parents were pushing him to have sex with me and he didn't want to. Sometimes i feel guilty because i was extremely frustrated and emotionally traumatized that i asked for divorce. His family accused me of having an affair with someone because i didn't have sex with him!! There are other things as well but it will take too long to describe them here. I am just confused about this aspect. Please give honest opinion!! Because right now i am scared of getting married again!!! COnfession: I am feel guilty sometimes because i denied him sex!! Was i right or wrong??? Who is the opressed here!
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affair, cousin, divorce, muslim, period, shy, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Not Guilty.....sister dont be scared and dont feel guilty, its sad that you had to go through an experience like this and be so awkward with someone you were supposed to spend life with, you are not wrong for denying him sex if you were uncomfortable, he shouldve made some attempts atleast to be with you or spend time with you in order to get to know one another better.maybe he's an awkward person, maybe he's shy, maybe he's insecure and scared himself, maybe something is wrong with him...... because although i respect women i am a guy and i have guy friends and i understand how guys think and I can assure you that he should be really interested in things like this, it is part of being a normal guy. maybe its better that you dont stay with him, im muslim too but i understand that you should be attracted atleast to the person you wish to marry, our prophet has told us this... you should choose someone who you feel like you can grow with and share with.. someone who is interested in you and your life and you with theirs, you gotta be friends aswell as husband and wife, i know in our traditional culture it doesnt always work this way and they say you will learn to love one another and thats fine and all but you must be able to atleast relate to each other. someone on your wavelength
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