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anonymous
writes:I have realised that one of the things that drives me crazy is people who come into my home and criticise it saying things like:'This isnt a home..this is a house!"And always telling me how great their place will be or my place would be if they had it as their home!Oh they would do it up so nicely!And it angers me because they have never paid a penny towards the bills and I regularly pay the bills, all the time.So the place is no palace but it is my home!And they fail to notice that they are a guest in my home!Amd on top of that they criticise and criticise and then 24 hrs after they have gone the place goes back to being my home in their absence.Has anyone else noticed this phenomena in their lives? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): They are probably envious. I got a few comments from my boss about my new build flat being not as good as older property's for various reasons-she also got annoyed I was purchasing in a 'busy' season-like she had in a say in the matter, and an employee who as soon as seeing pictures of flat decided to tell me in detail how awful it is that new builds look similar and how old houses have more finesse. Both these people are bitter about their own lives, and not in a position to buy ether. So I just laughed at them in my head-only rude bitter people are rude about others homes-and maybe just don't invite them round, and if they ask why just inform them that you thought they did'nt like your place.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): op here..i agree its harmless stuff but the thing is i like nice things too its just that i cant afford to have beautiful decor and matching and coordinating things, minimalist hide all cupboards or even some basic stuff.
So its annoying but Im alive in this world too!
At least its a roof over my head and I am kind enough to let people stop over here and there and in emergencies.
Im not nit picky either!
I expect them to make their own drinks or get food etc and I just dont want this permanent burden of 'its not good enough' on me!
Its true that younger people seem to care less than the outspoken oldies!
But then again maybe they have nothing to say or do thats more interesting!
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reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (24 August 2017):
 Some people are so rude these days - especially with the internet and Facebook, people are busy shouting their opinions online and all over the place and now in real life instead of remembering that things they say can hurt someone's feelings and that sometimes it is better to be quiet than to be rude in someone elses home. You might need to get some new friends if these ones are persistent in their moaning. I couldn't deal with it if someone came into my home and nit-picked at it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2017): I'm guessing the commentary and critiques come from your older or more mature friends? I've been told by people my house is so clean and well-decorated they can't believe a guy lives there. I'm also told everything looks fresh out the box, like nobody lives there. I don't have kids, so I pickup after only myself. Accept when my boyfriend used to come home from his construction-sites all dirty and sandy. We remedied that situation good and fast!
I take it you're speaking of your older friends. Mature or elderly-people tend to speak bluntly; they feel they've earned the right to say whatever they please. Well, whatever! The fact I'm a guy, women feel it's okay to make remarks about my tidiness. They often say I'm a better housekeeper than they are. They resent that. It's said playfully; but in a nice-nasty way! Guys aren't supposed to be neater then females. I could be a bitch, but I bite my tongue.
It's a left-handed compliment; but I take it in stride. The implication is either I'm not very manly; or I'm anal retentive. I like things orderly and clean; but I'm not obsessive about it. Compared to some of my friends, I can see where they might be a little intimidated; because their housekeeping may leave something to be desired. It's what I don't say that gets to them. Maybe those who have pets. That with one whiff, you can tell there's a cat on the premises; or it looks like someone was running a pet grooming business on their furniture. I don't say things like that to people; but they don't mind sharing their thoughts with me. I just shrug it off.
Like you said, it's my house. When they leave, it's like they were never there; unless I've entertained or had a party. Then they can have their fun and take part in disrupting my order, so they'll feel better. I don't care. I put on some crazy music and pull-it all back together. My boyfriend's housekeeper comes once a week, if I have to put in extra hours at work. I've never shared that little bit of info; I just like basking in the envy.
Sometimes people offer suggestions, sometimes they compliment, and sometimes they may speak out of sheer envy.
You can't let it get to you, because they're friends and sometimes people don't have filters. They feel close enough as friends to speak freely. I love my friends; so they getaway with some fresh comments. Deep-down, you've got to feel good; because at least you have a cozy place you call home. At least you have company! When you shut the door behind them; anything they've said goes out the door with them. Don't pay them much mind. They really mean no harm.
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reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (23 August 2017):
 *Sigh. Yes, I have the same issue. My boyfriend and I moved into a nice (albeit older) apartment and we like it. I'm not big on knick-knacks etc so our walls only have pictures of his sea-diving and our furniture is basic. Our our friends came over saying: "OMG, do you not know how to decorate? I'll help you!" OR "You guys have too much space for two people, you won't bond like we did in our small space!" PFfftt. I guess maybe it's how they're raised...? From a young age, I was taught to keep opinions to myself and see positives. My friend's home has this garish wallpaper of (I kid you not) Finding Nemo in two bedrooms from the last person who lived there. I admired other things like her furniture etc. and when she admitted to wanting to tear off the wallpaper and burn it in the woods somewhere, I laughed and offered to bring kindling.
I'd say ignore it for now and as Honeypie suggests, reiterate that it is YOUR home and you like it just fine.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2017):
 I haven't experienced it. But it doesn't surprise me, people seem to value things such as manners and common sense a lot less these days. They want "political correctness" and "freedom of speech" but uses both to shame others for not having a hive-mind mentality, for having a PERSONAL opinion.
While I have seen some of my friends' houses and THOUGHT (to myself) I would do A B C if this house was mine, unless ASKED for my opinion I have kept it to myself.
A good friend of ours bought a house that had pink walls through out the ENTIRE house (even the kitchen!!) and for me? That would have been painted over ASAP lol but THEY like it so they kept it and you know what? None of my beeswax.
Most of them don't consider their words as criticism but just their inner dialogue is spoken out loud. They probably don't mean to offend.
My advice? If people can't keep their notions to themselves and feel they HAVE to share stuff like that, just say:" that sounds lovely I hope you will be able to afford a house you can make as homey as you want"." Or a that sounds nice, I, however, like my house the way it is - it feels like home to me".
Taste in design, art, music, food, people ... it ALL varies from person to person.
Don't take it personally. It's pointless.
Be proud that you HAVE a place to call home and screw their opinions!
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