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female
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anonymous
writes: Feeling really tearful at the moment. There's two parts to this problem relating to a medical problem that I think my male friend has and also how I feel about him. I feel really desperate and really need some help and advice so if you can't help me then I would greatly appreciate it if you could point me in the right direction. Known this guy for years and at the beginning of the year we became really close friends. I only found out last weekend that this must've been around the time he split up with his long-term girlfriend (he was engaged to her too). Anyway, I think I've fallen for him in a really big way. I have played it cool and let him tell me how he feels first (been hurt in the past so wanted to be sure of his feelings first). He has been sending me really sweet messages lately which made me feel really special - my Mum said she hadn't seen me this happy in a while. Around mid-late April, he started telling me he is missing me (we hadn't seen each other in a while), saying he can't wait to see me, that his day would be better if he had seen me, that he keeps thinking about me, paying me loads of compliments, etc. This culminated in him sending me a message at the weekend saying he thinks we go good together after he had asked me my views on marriage/children (they were the same), etc. I also told him I didn't sleep around, just in case there was a very slim chance he thought like that. It was at that time that I told him I felt the same way about him because I was so sure of his feelings for me. He'd also started putting kisses at the end of his messages and giving me gifts. So, I'm thinking I'm now his girlfriend and so I allowed a hug and a peck on the cheek. I'm thinking this is the best thing that's happened to me. However, since Monday I have heard nothing from him at all whereas I had been hearing from him up to 3 times a day. He always contacts me the day after he has taken me out to say thank you. Well, I hadn't heard from him late on Tuesday so I sent him a message to thank him for a nice time and haven't heard from him since despite him when I last saw him that he was going to try and come and see me on Weds (he didn't show). Trying to understand what is going on. I am trying to be rational - he may have lost his mobile or have no credit on it (but then I know he has his mobile on him at all times); any one of a number of things may have happened to him (but then his parents would have contacted me) or maybe he isn't interested in me after all. But having read all this, wouldn't any woman think the same or am I being deluded? Don't get me wrong, he is the loveliest guy in so many ways. I'm really worried about what's happened to him. I don't want to put any pressure on him but I like to hear from him!!!Before you write him off as not worth my time, he did confide in me recently that has spent his whole life struggling with learning and I am convinced he has ADD because he has so many of the symptoms. I also know that people with ADD can get overwhelmed quite easily and need to re-group so I wonder if he's done that. Guess I am feeling hurt; he's never forgotten me before (although he did tell me he has forgotten appointments with his family and birthdays). Could he have ADD? If he has got ADD, I would greatly appreciate some advice as to how to cope with it as a friend/partner.I'm sure he wouldn't do anything to knowingly hurt me and I know he has a deadline at work (ADD sufferers can become hyperfocused on one interest to the exclusion of everything else), but have I been a fool to think I was his girlfriend? Am I his friend or girlfriend? I don't know how to deal with it if he contacts me or how to cope if he doesn't!!! Any help would be appreciated.
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female
reader, matron +, writes (12 May 2006):
 Hi, i understand how confused you must be feeling right now and perhaps he is to, he may feel he's got in a little to deep and doesn't know how to handle this feeling so taking some time out to get everything in perspective, he may even be testing you, backing right off to see how keen you are to make contact, this isn't the right way to find out how much someone cares but he may really fear that you are not as serious as he is. On the other hand he may have just realised that things were moving too fast for him and he didn't want to make as much of a committment as he thought he did and doesn't know how to get out of it,no credit, lost phone etc is no excuse if he wanted to contact you he would have. All i can say is text or phone him and leave a message saying how worried you are about him and tell him you wont bother him anymore but will be waiting for him to get in touch when and if he's ready. To put your mind at rest give his parents a call just to make sure he is ok. Good luck.
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