A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've known this guy for over two years now, and we've always been really great friends. He's been my support board through the thick and thin and I honestly can't imagine what I'd do if i never met him. Well the truth is, we've always secretly had feelings for each other, but we would never admit it. We both knew it, but we never said anything or dated. Therefore, he dated other girls and I dated other guys over the course of two years, and now we're finally both single. About a month ago he asked if I wanted to go see a movie with him and hang out, so we went to the movies and then hung out at his house. It actually turned out to be a very fun and romantic date. At his house I finally confessed my feelings for him and he said he liked me too. That night on the phone we were talking about actually dating and he said he really liked me and would be with me, but he wasn't sure if dating was such a good idea right now because I'm going to be moving away in about 8 months to go to college. I told him I understood but we still had time to make this work and be happy together. We decided we would stay friends and see where it went from there. So over the next few weeks, we hung out alot more, went out on a few more dates, messed around every once in a while, and it was like we were a couple, yet we weren't. A few weeks later I decided to bring up the subject of us dating again, and I asked him where we stood as of right then. He told me he wasn't sure, and went into an explanation of this psycho chick who is obsessed with him and has been bugging him to date her, and he doesn't want to make her mad by dating me, because she's phycho and might do something bad, and he brought up the me moving situation again. I told him I understood, and I wasn't forcing anything on him, but I just wanted to know where we stood. So a few hours later I left, he kissed me goodbye, and then didn't talk to me again for the next two days. It was very odd because we usually text each other all the time. Within those two days I did alot of thinking, and I realized that we have been into each other for over two years, and now that we finally have the chance to be together, he is using a stupid psycho chick as an excuse not to date me? I understand the whole me moving, but now he was just getting ridiculous. I started wondering if this was just a FWB thing to him, and he just wanted to mess around with me without any commitment. The thought bothered me for days, so much that it was all I thought about. So I mustered up the strength, called him, and asked him straight out, "is this a FWB thing to you?" and he told me that he understood why I would think that way, and that a FWB thing is never what he wanted, and that he was sorry for making that impression but that he didn't see what we had as a friends with benefits thing, and that he just didn't know what he wanted right now. I told him it was alright and I wasn't demanding commitment from him, that I was just asking for my own peace of mind and that I respected myself too much to be used like that. He said he understood, and we went back to talking like normal people again. But now he's acting really weird and not like himself. He tells me he's been getting drunk almost every night, which is definately not like him at all, he talks to me less and less, he never asks to hang out anymore, and whenever we do talk, he just completely drops out mid-conversation and doesn't want to talk anymore. I don't really understand what's going on. He isn't acting like the guy I met two years ago, in fact, he's almost turning into the kind of guy he always used to warn me to stay away from. I don't even know who I'm talking to anymore. I really want things to work out between us, but I'm afraid I'm going to end up disappointed. Help me please!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): He was so good at warning you against the guy you should stay away from because he IS JUST LIKE The Guy you should stay away from.
The thing about words and GUYS just like him; they can be good at giving and saying the words but when the ACTIONS don't align- you just discovered a dishonest man with selfish motives.
Stay your ground and don't go there. He knows you to the type of girl that reaching out and mends the broken hearted, and heal all wounds and make all better the poor baby boy inside a lost, broken man.
So, do the opposite. You will be doing yourself and him a HUGE favour.
Break the cycle of Dating GUYS LIKE HIM.
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