A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am having so much trouble recently, my Gran is with a man who has done horrible things but she won't leave him, it has been going on for so long and my parents have resorted to not letting my Gran in our lives anymore, the problem is, I miss her so much. I have spoke to my mum about it and she has started crying and said that she misses her just as much but I'm not allowed to ring her or see her, so I don't know what to do! I have cried myself to sleep most nights and need help, first on wondering why my Gran chose a horrible man over us and secondly how to fix this! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): I really feel for you. I am 37 now but my Gran (who is no longer alive) re-married after my Grandpa died (I was only 10 years old at the time)and the man she married treated her very badly. I know it hurt my Dad that she re-married so quick and to see her in this way and I think she did it because she was lonely and would rather have someone there to live with than nobody at all even if it meant not being that happy. The thing is my Gran put up with a lot of abuse because she simply did not want to be on her own so what I am saying is that sometimes people make these seemingly poor decisions for reasons we can't understand and your Gran may have reasons too. I doubt very much your Gran is trying to hurt you but it seems that your parents are showing their own dislike and hurt by cutting her off. People are trying to deal with it in their own way. If I were you I would try to tell your parents that you really miss her and is there any way you could see her on your own - just you and her maybe meet somewhere? If they refuse this could you write to her and maybe send a photo? She might write back? Try and keep some connection with her as now my Gran is no longer here I really miss her and nobody should take your right to see your Gran away from you. Good luck and post back if you need to x
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Sounds like your mom is doing something that is really difficult for her as well. Tough love. My daughter's grandpa was a heavy drinker. When she was born, we made it clear, he wants to visit, he has to be sober. Needless to say, they met when she was 11 years old.
All you can really do is wait it out. It's hard, but pray she makes the decision that is best for her and that will bring the family together. You look at it as choosing over you, she may be looking at it as not being accepted for who she's with. It goes back and forth, until there is understand from the other side's view, this will continue.
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