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female
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anonymous
writes: Ok so to me what I'm going through sounds like it's straight out of some teen movie, only problem is that in those movies everything ends up ok for everyone and i don't see that being a possibility in my current situation. I'm 19 and at university, loving it, I have the most amazing friends, better than any I've had. One in particular, she's my best friend and even though we haven't known each other that long recent events have brought us very close together. She recently had a messy break up with her boyfriend with whom things hadn't been right for a long time. Afterwards, when she was kinda ready to get out there again a load of guys suddenly admitted an interest in her, it was great I've never seen her more confident than when surrounded by these guys. One of them in particular went out of his way to make her feel special, she agreed to go on a couple of dates with him, but nothing ever happened between them physically. She decided there was no chemistry and broke things off, he was devestated, I know because we became quite close and he chose me as the person to open up to, which was pretty tough on it's own because she was confiding in me too! Eventually his feelings for her have lessened and as it has his bond with me as grown, as yet nothing more than friends but I know the next step is coming. Which was great and I was really happy until a week ago when my friend confessed to me that now that she can't have him with the same ease she could before he's suddenly all that more attractive and she wants to be with him. She also said that my closeness with him makes her jealous. She's my best friend and I've decided the only choice I have is to distance myself from him and let her work her magic on him, I'm pretty sure she can, he's a very forgiving guy and would give anyone a second chance even if they'd knocked him back without much thought. I just want to be sure I'm making the right choice???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): Hi, Thank you both for your answers. I decided that my only really option was to just lay my cards on the table and tell him how I felt. As you said at the end of the day the final choice was his and he chose her. He told me that he never meant to give me the wrong idea about our friendship, but personally I have enough faith in my instincts to know what I thought was happening actually was! I guess I was Plan B and at the end of the day I'm alright with how things turned out because I wouldn't want to be anyones plan B. He wanted to remain friends with me but I have to admit I'm finding it a difficult position to be in, I have trouble respecting him now and he still asks my advice and expects my sympathy for his situation with my friend which I don't think I can give anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2006): Personally, I strongly disagree with what this friend is doing to you. She is manipulating you and I would certainly be questioning her motives. From your posting I think this guy would be crazy to give her a second chance. I would sit your friend down and tell her, you like him a lot and ask her nicely, but firmly, to back off. Then after you do that, I would think long and hard on what the meaning of friendship really is and ask yourself if she is a good friend. I don't think she really is.
True Friends are people that we can depend on-they are happy for us-they support us. You are willing to give up your own happiness for her. Dear, she is what I call...a 'toxic" friend. One you can do without. She's self-centered and can't think of your feelings as she is too busy thinking of herself and 'only' what she wants. She is also a jealous person and a competitor who is always looking to be "one up" her friends. She does not know how to be a true friend or she wouldn't be doing this. Funny-how she never thought of doing the same for you, when she came to you and told you, she was jealous of your relationship with her cast off bf. Some people are like this. She needs to be happy for you and step away from this. If you like this guy and he likes you...go for it, girl! But in the end, he will make the choice.
I sure hope he picks you...because you sound like the more nicer, more compassionate girl. If he's smart he will pick you. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (11 March 2006):
 Ok heres some advice I hope also comes your way!
First of all, Im happy for you that everything else is going great in your life, your social circle, your family background, University, be grateful that these things are going ok the now, alot of individuals dont have these priorities..
Im sorry to have to mention this but it has to be said! Your friend has to realise that she had her chance with this guy and she didnt think it was going anywhere (when it might have been)and its her loss if she called it off, the guy cant be at her beck and call at all times, So he has drifted onto someone else, the tricky part is though, that it is you he now has his sights set on..
So I say take the plunge and see what life brings, she can only get over it or not talk to you for a bit, if she does though then its her that is being selfish..
One thing that she has to remember is that you cant switch on and off in relationships the way that she was doing with this guy, Its not fair to him, he was devastated and hurt by her coldness, and he now sees warmth and happiness with you.. If, and only IF, you see the same then go for it..
Of course your friend will be jealous, its only natural, (Its a cause for concern if she wasnt jealous). Due to the fact that the boy now realises she didnt see anything with him "No Chemistry" and that hurts a boy more than anything, as he has put effort in and went out of his way to make her feel special and its ended up all for nothing between your friend and this guy..
So he realised that when you were giving him some helpful advice he saw you in a different way and he now likes you.. Its understandable you both are friendly and help each other in different aspects..
If this guy is as honest and forgiving and a generally nice guy then I certainly dont see him taking her back, because he sees you in a different light.
If he does though, which by the way you describe the situations, Is highly unlikely, then it just means that there is always someone elese that could do with some of your friendly advice and friendship..
Never forget that..
Jacqueline
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