A
male
age
41-50,
*ram
writes:Ok, now I have been reading through some of the questions and advice that is on this site as to dating. The general idea I get is you need to have confidence when approaching a women. That is all good and well, but I tend to disagree. This has been pestering me for a while and I will be using myself as an example. I think I have a lot going for me, got a good business, I have a degree, good build. Sorry if I sound vain, but please just give me time. O yes, I believe I am a good guy, I do a lot of charity work, look I am not saying I am a saint, not at all. I live a general quiet life. I am an only child, my family are reasonably well known in the community. I do not press my values on other people and I also treat everybody as equals. So when I take a girl out I treat her with respect, no showing off, I let her be the center of attention. I do the basics well, I believe.Now we go out and I feel we have a good time, but now why do I 99% I struggle to get a second date. In the beginning the girl wills nice to me and all, then I ask her out, we go out and have a good time. I call her back for a second date and usually they say fine, sounds well. Then the day of the second date, they drop me flat on my bum. The best one happened a just a short while ago, spoken to the girl the day before all was good, the day of the date all is good, then 10min before I must go pick her up she calls me and tells me that she can not go she has a party that she forgot about. So I say fine, then she still tells me we must then make it five days later. So the following day I text her and ask her how was the party. No reply, in fact needless to say I have not heard from her since. This is just one example, the list continues. But why, why do women do this to guys, I take a look around always the decent guy will not get the girl, but the real wanker will. How come? Someone please help.
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male
reader, Kram +, writes (3 March 2008):
Kram is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, I do appreciate it. It does come on the point when you ask yourself "how come this happens to me?" If you look at what movies, television, magazines, etc tell you to be and if you are like that you will get the blah blah blah blah. I guess you guys must have an idea what I am on about. Ok. But really guys thanks so much for the advice and sorry to “male reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008)” I am not near to a child molester, please do not say things unless you know a person. But to all thanks so much for all the advice.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): First off, doing charity works does NOT make you a nice guy. Sorry to say this, but while you may be a saint in some ways, that does not necesarrily mean you are a "nice" guy.
In fact your description fits most child molestors perfectly well who contrary to popular opinion are NOT dirty old men but usually normal well adjusted member of society on the outside.
But lets take you word for it that you are a nice guy, whatever that really means.
Dating is hard, you essentially have to sell yourselve to the other party as being worth of further effort. You let her be the center of attention? Sorry? Dating is the meeting of TWO people. You should be her center of attention as well. Sure, she might LIKE to talk just about herself, but that just means she found a good listener, what you want is her to get intrested in you as well.
A more subtle part of this is that you put a huge burden on the girl if she has to be the center of attention, is she really that intresting to fill an entire date with stories? It ain't socially nice to expect an other person to be the entertainer while you keep quiet. Good listener or guy with nothing to say?
Having a good time is not enough, I can have a good time with my feet up, cat on my lap, cup of tea and a good book. A date should be exciting.
Perhaps the women just don't find you intresting enough after the first date, NOT a bad date, but just that when they got home after saying they had a good time they think, "meh" and try with another guy who doesn't expect them to carry the conversation and promises a bit of excitement.
Normal people look perhaps at dating as a rollercoaster ride, on the one hand you want the thrill of danger but don't want to get on a ride that is actually dangerous. Ideally you want a 100% safe ride that frightens you to death! You are a kiddy ride, safe but the poor girl is falling asleep.
Another thing to consider, you will strike out. Good guys, bad guys, we all strike out. It happens. Just that the bad guys don't let it get them down and try and try again. I have a friend who is very much a bad guy, he can twist women around his little finger an plays with them as cheap toys but he strikes out more often then I do BUT he tries an awfull lot more. I might ask maybe 1-2 girls out in a year and get a 50% result, he approaches literally HUNDREDS of women, and strickes out 90% of the time but that still leaves him with plenty.
And if you think your story is bad, I actually had the speech "if only I could find a guy like you". HELLO! I am right here!
But in the end ask yourselve this, do you really want a girl like that? Give up, try again with another. There are plenty of nice girls out there looking for a nice guy, don't waste your time on the headcases. You say girls go for bad guys, why are you going for bad girls?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): hi,
I know exactly what you mean - however I am a female in the same type of situation! Lots going for me etc. but get treated badly by bad guys. Those women will regret treating you like that believe me. You sound great - keep being your natural self and the right woman will come along and she won't believe her luck! take care
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A
female
reader, SexKitten69  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 Hi Hunn,
Well you sound like the perfect date to me but maybe most of these girls dont appreciate that.
It sounds to me that you are too kind and generous for you're own good and there are plenty of people who would take advantage of that!
Have you tried to play it a bit cooler.... Let them chase you..
Keep your chin up, someone will turn up and just enjoy yourself in the meantime :)
Remember people don't know what they got until it's gone
Take Care, Please Rate :)
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