A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I will be going to University in September but I am really worried about the whole club scene. I am a pretty girl but I don't want people to come up to me and expect certain things. I will never have sex with anyone randomly and I have to be in a relationship for that to happen.I have no problems kissing people but when people expect more I am scared of not knowing what to do. I know people do anything with anyone but I don't want to be like, and I am scared if I start and people think I'm strange because I won't do anything.I am really worried and it's putting me off even going anymore. I have no confidence but I know I will like people when I go out to clubs/society things but I am unaware of how to act!Please help me!
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confidence, kissing, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2015): You are an adult now. Time to learn to stand up for what YOU want, rather than let others dictate how you should behave. Others want to have wild parties and sex? let them get on with it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 June 2015):
 If you don't want to do something, just say NO. It's allowed to say NO. It sounds like your club-life is extreme..at least to me. That sort of pressure isn't what Im used to when going clubbing. Sure I might get approached by some hopeful ones, but a pissed off face saying no scares them off, and no one ever though of me as strange because I don't sleep with just about whomever...
If people think you are weird or strange, then I suggest you change who you hang out with. Not change yourself, change the "friends".
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (15 June 2015):
 Random hook ups and random sex is strange and abnormal, so your question maybe derived from a twisted reality. There is nothing abnormal with you although I wonder what sort of abberated social mores have shaped your question.
Therefore, don't worry, you are totally normal and seek such relationship that makes you happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2015): I was the same way in college. No- you aren't weird! You have morals and don't neglect those just because it's not popular. You will meet friends and have experiences far better and more lasting than those created drunk at a party. Good luck in your studies- that's what you're truly there for. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (15 June 2015):
no people will not think you are strange at all. Not everyone hooks up with random people in college, many dont in fact. You dont have to do anything that you dont want to do, and dont ever let anyone pressure you regarding sex, drugs, alcohol etc.
Anyone who makes you feel wrong for that is not your friend, and doesnt have your best interests at heart. I am 26 and I have a great time when I go out without getting drunk or hooking up with random people. If you can find some hobbies you enjoy, at college, it will help you meet the right people and make proper friends. All the best x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 June 2015):
 Make some friends, observe and do what FEELS right to you.
I had a blast in college, lots of studying, lots of work and... quite a bit of partying. I NEVER once had a casual hook up or sex with anyone I wasn't in a relationship with. Some of my female friends did, some did not, same for the guys. YOU have to find what is right for you and stick to it.
I don't think you are strange at all for not wanting casual sex. IT IS NOT for everyone. Kissing someone doesn't MEAN you give them PERMISSION to expect or demand more. If you are OK with kissing, you kiss. But it IS true that MANY guys will think if you are willing to kiss you are willing to do more, so SET up boundaries. If you meet a guy at a party and it leads to kissing, BE honest and tell him, I don't do casual sex, I'll kiss you but that is as far as I go. Now he can walk away.. (his loss) or have his kisses...
People WILL have expectations of you, pretty or not. Because you are a female. YOU are under no obligations to "fulfill" those expectations.
You might WANT to consider saving the snogging for a guy you date as well. That way... you won't end up in a situation you find it hard to get out of.
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