A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,well im a 20 yr female in college and i going to move in with my boyfriend of 3 years. Im having a hard time with my parents. When we told his mom, she was happy for us, and wished us luck. However when i told my parents, they flipped. My mom started to say that i should have morals and get married first, and my dad the same thing, but added that i have shamed him as a father. They say because we come a latin family that we dont do things like that. They said that my boyfriend would not be welcomed and they will not visit us, which really hurt me. The problem with getting married is that if i do get married right now, i will lose my scholarships, which are awarded need based, and i will not be able to afford college. I told my parents this and they said well to give it up and get married, or wait. The problem is i have a hard time living at home with 4 other little sisters and i really think that it is my time to move out. My boyfriend and i do want to get married in may or june 2009 after my scholarships pay for my last year. I have decided that im going to move out with him in Nov, its just i wanted some support from my family. I dont know how to tell my parents that im still going to move? Another thing is that they think that i would be too dependent on him since he already graduated and is working, and i only work partime and could support myself without him. I think this is a logical concern but i know him very well and we discussed it, but i dont know how to tell that its my choice and risk to take. sidenote they are religious
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): I think you have to tell them that you love him. This is the 21st century and whilst you live you life by the code of your religion and never want to hurt them you do want to start sharing more of your life with the boyfriend.
he isn't just a wandering boyfriend. if they think you are suddenly having sex because you are living together. (I suspect you don't need to be living together to do that). You are a grown woman who needs to be independent from your family.
This is a good logical step before marriage in my eyes. Your parents will only object until you marry, which will be after college...So why not get engaged? (sorry sounds a bit odd) they will come round to it.
Hugs Star.x.
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