A
female
age
36-40,
*xydancr05
writes:I moved to california about 5months ago to start a new life. While I wasn't looking for love, I did find it. When we met, I made it clear to him that I was hesitant about rushing into a new relationship and that I would like to take things slow because of what I had been through in the past. At first, he was completely fine with this, but after about a month of dating, he decided he wanted to be in a relationship with me and that he was falling in love with me, but wanted to make sure the feelings were mutual. Although I still hesitated, I knew I felt the same for him. So by the end of February, we were boyfriend/girlfriend and then some other issues came up and we got married(he's in the military and would get extra money and we could help eachother since I don't have a job) A few weeks after that, we started living together and things were great. A few little arguments here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary. But now, we've come into some serious money problems (he recently got another DUI and bills are piling up) and so I've decided to join the marine corps as well not only for our relationship, but for myself to finish school. We had a plan. Then two days ago, he stayed out all night (with his friends but i hadn't heard from him at all and this wasn't the first time) so I was hurt and I left. When he did finally come home, we talked and I told him I had packed all of my things and was leaving. I wasn't breaking up with him, but I thought he didn't want me there, so I was giving him what he wanted. But I really love him and I wanted to be stay with him and work things out. So after we talked for a while, I came back to spend the night with him and all seemed fine. The next morning however, he tells me that he is too screwed up mentally to be in a relationship with me. He doesn't want to see anyone else, but he can't be with me right now either. He knows he has a problem, but won't get professional help. I'm leaving for boot camp in a week and I don't want to leave like this, so should I give him some space and hope for the best even while I'm gone, or should I just let it go now?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 May 2009):
 I think you going to Boot Camp is a blessing in disguise. You two will get some time apart and maybe he will realize that he truly needs help.
You can drag a horse to the water but you can not make him drink. Same with your husband. He needs help, but it will not BE any help until he understand that he truly needs help and asks for it.
Tell him HOW you feel before you leave. Don't expect this guy to understand or be a mind reader. TELL him. While you are gone remember that you are currently MARRIED. If you take your vow's seriously the two of you might be able to work it out.
He might be acting out because you are going off on your "own". But you truly need to look out for yourself. Get yourself straight. Set goals, meet your goals.
When you are done in boot camp he is either there for you or he is not. There are no guarantees, specially if he is a little self destructive.
PS, You should marry a guy because you love him and can't stand being apart, not for monetary gain... With that said, tell him you love him and want him to be there for you when you are done in boot camp ( if that is what you desire). Be honest and be strong.
Semper Fi
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): If it were me, I would probably just give him time and space to get his act together. He is your husband...if nothing else, he has a responsibility to you.
Try to keep a positive attitude and keep in touch in any way you can while away.
Just give it time, and see what transpires!
Good Luck in Boot Camp!
Britt
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