A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi allI feel I have no one else to turn to. Me and my fiancé have been together for nearly 4 years and are due to be married in march but I feel so unloved. We have sex once a month and it's over in 2 mins. I'm bored and I have tried and tried to spice things up. We're constantly arguing at the min and I think I start the argument as I know we will make up ( if you know why I mean). It's bad when you have to start an argument I get some attention. I have said that if we can't have a fulfilling relationship, then I will find someone who does. Im constantly paranoid about the way I look or that I'm not up to much in the bedroom department. If I suggest an early night, I will try to touch him and he point blank refuses! I'm sick of been rejected. I feel like having an affair! Please help.
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affair, unloved Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAwe thank you everyone. Bit bizzare but I exploded last night and we had a chat for 2 hours and I think things will change. His horney pattern ie sex drive changed when he was with a controlling partner before we got together. He had it once a month an he thinks his body is still programmed to that. I don't know if this is right. It took him 2 years to decide to move in with me. Things seem to go a bit slower than what I would call normal but I love him do much. He has said he had no idea I felt like this. I feel so much better after talking on here.
A
male
reader, Sir-T +, writes (30 January 2012):
Too many people see the red light before marriage but never stop. Sometimes i know it is hard (4 years is a long time) but a red light is a red light hunni.If things aren't looking up now are they going to be soon?Can you cope with this through 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? 35 years? 55 years?This will not be a happy marriage from the sound of things already.You need to tell him plainly that the marriage has to be postponed... Very difficult choice but if you choose to go on with this you will only have yourself to blame in the future. You do not want this.You will need support to pull through, Someone to keep reminding you why you shouldn't get married until all this is sorted out... Personally i do not think this man is meant for you.Please please please STOP while you can. This will make him sit back and think his life through again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Don't marry him til all these issues are resolved. Talk to him and he he can't see the problem, you might wanna consider calling it quits. Because a ring on your fingers and sharing vows is not going to make him want to put more effort into the bedroom.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): No time to dick around. Pardon the pun. Be direct. Don't utter threats or taunts, that gets no one anywhere nearer a solution.Just ask him flat out. The sex, yah the freaky, dirty, naughty, lusty, sweaty, slick and body drenching sex that we should be having- and we are not- whats going on with that?Do you have fantasies you don't feel like you can talk to me about? Do you think, maybe, just maybe, I love you so much I could do most anything save blank, blank, and blank.So now you think of what you will do and try and tell him lets make a list. Buy a karma sutra book.Then ask if he is going through anything, like a crisis he is keeping to himself and fighting on his own and this in turn is killing his horny.Because if you two cannot be honest and communicate openly and work to problem solve even the tiniest of matters- its a no go and the sex, yes will suffer.Something going on and its not necessarily you Babes!Talk it out.
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Right. Don't do anything rash yet.Sit down with him, turn the tv off or anything that may distract him. Look him in the eye, get emotional if you feel you need to and explain to him what you have said to us here. Tell him exactly how he's making you feel. Say that it's not the sex that bothers you, it's the lack of affection.If he thinks there's nothing wrong, then maybe the affection in this relationship has ran out and you need to rethink.give him a chance though, men don't realise what little things upset us. Talk to him. so many couples nowadays don't communicate and just get on with it because it's easier than bringing it up. this is why so many people have affairs, because they feel they can't talk to one another.
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