A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend n ive been going out for the last year and a few months. despite our young age, we really do have a fantastic sex life, or so i thought. few days ago i found a folder in his computer that was created a month after we started going out, and it was filled with porn. i felt hot and shaky, and my heart started pounding out of my chest. i checked the dates. all the pictures were a couple weeks-a month apart, and there were mostly disgusting pictures of other chicks pussies. then i went on his internet browser and found many porn sites he visited. (i jus never really looked before) he was watching anal sex scenes that jus put me over the edge because he always told me he doesn't like it (because i wouldnt do it). he always told me he watched porn before me, but he doesn't do it anymore. i didn really believe it, cus all guys watch porn. i keep trying to tell myself its not a big deal, but the image of my bf wacking off to random girls' pussies keeps popping into my head. there were other pics of gangbang n anal n such, but those upset me the most. he needs to see a picture of another girl's pussy to get off? why does he need to get off in the first place? ive always given him more than enough, even at my own expense. the dates were during weekdays when he tells me hes doing something else or sleeping, or sundays when he leaves me early (even though we usually have sex on sundays). i jus felt so betrayed and hurt, but i jus couldn bring myself to talk to him abt it. im 17, by the way. he is too. he took my virginity-hes my first real bf. hes had more gfs in the past, but he always tells me i dont compare to them. the fact that hes been with other girls before me (when hes the ONLY guy that ive officially been with) makes me insecure to begin with, but now this porn thing is killing me. i do all kinds of shit for him in bed, and i always thought i was enough. ive been trying to forget abt it but its jus eating me up inside. i know it makes me look insecure and sad to be hung up on this, cus all guys watch porn right? (its what i keep repeating in my head to make myself feel better) then why is it making me so upset? i guess i jus didn really think abt it until i found it. the fact that i had no idea for a year and three months just makes my insides twist. am i really overreacting here? or is he a dog?? f*ck. please help me :( how would i tell him? i cant tell anyone else, and its driving me crazy.
View related questions:
anal sex, insecure, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): just a thought here but I had a similar situation... and I too was completely freaked out.. kept it all in and then during one of our intiment moments... I realized he was doing the very thing I saw on his pc... So with that being said... listen to the other posters... you cant control someone else like that... and nor should you... he is being a normal guy. I understand your insecurities but this is fantasy not reality.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): i'm not sure of guys and porn myself, but my boyfriend and i have a great sex life too and he watches it from time to time so i think it is true to say that all guys watch porn.
but maybe you should talk to him and tell him how hurt you are that he lied to you about watching porn in the first place and the fact that it makes you insecure to think that he needs porn to get off
and him watching porn doesnt have to be a reflection of your sex life. some guys just like to watch it more than others
have a talk with him, dont accuse him of anything because guys will see porn as a very natural thing, not something that they are 'cheating' with
good luck sweetie xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): It is totally understanable for you to be feeling a little shocked at this discovery. I dont think you are over reacting at all, this is your first real boyfriend, who took your virginity and has made you so happy until now. This obviously has given you a bit of push backwards. What you do need to do however is take a deep breath, just for a second and think rationally. Unfortunatly hun a lot of men look at porn and I can tell you 100% that this desire has nothing to do with their feelings for their girlfriend. Quite often it is just a release, a fantasy. Think about your fantasties, do they all involve your boyfriend. Probbaly not and there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing will make your boyfriend stop mastabating as this is habit EVERYBODY indulges in from time to time, whether they are in a relationship or not. I understand how different and at first frightening it is to see this pictures and know they are what your boyfriend looks at, but please try to think about this rationally before you do anything you regret. Your boyfriend may have said he hates anal sex in the past but the pictures you saw are exactly what I said before - fantasy. We dont all want to live our fantasies out.
My advice to you would be to sit down and just explain how you feel to your boyfriend. Chances are those images were put there a while ago and he may not even look at them any more. Whatever happens though he will put your mind at rest and you need to be able to communicate your fears and anxieties to your partner. Dont lock this away as it will eat up at you hun, be honest and explain. Remember though, fantasy is harmless, and he isnt cheating on you with anyone. Take care
...............................
|
