A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm at a loss as to if I'm making the right judgement. To be very brief, I'm currently hooking up with a friend of mine I've known for almost 20 years. I crushed on him hard as a preteen and we got close to hooking up years ago but when sober he said he thought of me as a sister. Fast forward to now and we stumbled on the realization that we both are attracted to each other. Were both having fun. This becomes complicated because hes been with a lot of people I know. 2 if his exes were once friends of mine, though they arent anymore cause they just arent cool human beings. He was recently messing with a friend of mine but she wanted more from him and he made it clear he wasnt looking for comittment. Also coincide the father of my kids is his friend too and doesnt know I'm hooking up with him but suspects it's someone he knows. I told him even if I was it wasnt his business. Point is, I feel continuing this has 3 options. Either we will have our fun, stay friends and may go our physical separate friends amicably, either my friend will stop talking to me and him, or feelings could develop which would be complicated as the mother of his kids used to be my best friend. Sorry this is a lot but am I naive to believe this could not blow up in my face?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 August 2019):
 Are YOU hoping for more? If yes then I’d say you’re being naive definitely. He’s been with multiple friends of yours and one very recently that he shut down immediately when she mentioned she wanted more so as honey pie said why would you be any different?
Sounds like he’s just making his way round the friendship group with whoever will give it up easily.
In a nutshell, you’re wasting your time massively if you’re looking for something serious.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 August 2019):
 Take it for what it is. A bit of fun.
He has ALREADY shown you (with other women he was involved with) that he ISN'T looking for anything serious and that eventually he WILL move on from you too.
If you can ACCEPT that and NOT get "too involved emotionally" that is what it will probably be.
However, it all depends on WHAT you are hoping for and looking for.
If you are hoping that because you have been friends for so long it WILL become something solid, I think you are being unrealistic.
He was recently "messing" around with a friend of your and wanted nothing serious, WHY would he all of a sudden want MORE with you? It seems his MO is jumping from bed to bed.
My prediction? You will be the one who gets hurt when he is done with you.
YOU are hoping to change a guy who has already shown you his preference. To NOT commit.
This is what happens when people use a "barrels of friends and acquaintances" as a "dating pool". It's incredible shallow and have NO variety.
It's really all up to you.
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