A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Girlfriend's mum caught us having phone sex, what can I do?Well, yesterday my girlfriend's mum caught us having phone sex and she had a go with her, and believed that we were making out in her room when I stayed around hers some weeks ago.She was angry and told her she shouldn't be doing that with me and she should be working out on her studies instead of 'playing around', because she thinks my girlfriend is too young to do such a thing with me (she is 17), and she thinks we might not even last (which I agree although I still love her loads) . She was going to call me but my girlfriend stopped her, and said to her mum that she wasn't harming herself or having sex with me.My girlfriend's parents are very traditional and quite protective so although her mum liked me a lot, I don't know and I am not sure what she thinks and how she sees me/us now. I don't know if she likes me anymore.I tried to tell my girlfriend to talk to her mum to ask her what she wants and talk to her about it, to show some respect toward her by listening to her, but my girlfriend said just to leave it.However, I have an urge to talk to her mum, because I want her to know that what we really think and I want to get it cleared off our heads. Also, I want to avoid any hassles in the future, that's what makes me think that I should talk to her about it.Should I talk to her? or should I just listen what my girlfriend said, just to leave it unless she said something?If I should talk to her, how should I start? We have some distance away, so I can only talk to her on the phone, how should I start the conversation?so should I just leave it, and just wait and see how it goes?what if her mum calls or try and talk to me in any wayWhat do you think I should do?Since it has happened, I am trying to find a way or anything I can do that is more 'ideal' to the situation, so it is best for everyone.I know I sound silly and I know I am immature, and I need to grow up.But I want to have a good relationship with my girlfriend and her family, so I am trying my best to please everyone, and I know it is hard.And everyone learns from mistakes, including me.Please helpMany thanks to everyone.
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male
reader, Budsmith  +, writes (10 July 2014):
This exact same thing happened to me almost the same situation too, her family loved me and respected me, and once they saw hickey marks on her neck and I talked to them and everything was good, but later on her mom caught her masterbating while on the phone with me and this was last night, I haven't heard from her since...
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Good it's done, you said your peace, and she said "blah, blah, blah.. traditional, blah, blah, blah... pretend your stone"... all done, you have acted respectfully and she has been given a chance to tell you about her "outdated" standards..
Next time, be more carefull... :) Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have done finished talking to her mum,
it went ok, she said she didn't expect us to do stuff like that and thought we would just date like a normal couple (basically disappointed)
She mentioned how traditional the father is, and said that he would expect the daughter and us to be like that too.
Oh well, hope everything goes well and I hope she really is ok.
thanks everyone
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (14 June 2010):
Ignore all the answers below : they are a very girly response to a NON-PROBLEM !Fact is you*re a boy / young man and the latter are expected to take the lead and initiate some king of sexual activity with their girlfriends. You haven*t done anything wrong or illegal so what are you intending to apologize for. And your girlfriend is actually right: if you try raising the subject with her mother it will just prolong the embarrassment all round. Sex is natural; not immoral: you just have to take precautions if she lets you go all the way with her. Once her Mom acknowledges that her daughter now has sexual needs the precautions against pregnancy and disease will prob be the Mom*s main concern. - As they should be yours and your girlfriends.You can take the Caring Side thing too far!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 June 2010):
Also, tell her what you told us, tell her you are nervous and you don't know what to do for the best, you don't know how to put things right... tell her that you would hate it if she didn't like you anymore, tell her you value her opinion.. all the things you've written down will be good for her to hear.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 June 2010):
I think that as a young gentleman, she would think highly of you if you ask to talk to her. Apologise for your behaviour, remind her that you are both young and you meant no disrespect towards her or her daughter. She may want to shout at you, she may want promises from you. Most of all she wants to know that you two are not having sex.
It's best to do it face to face if you can, but if you can't a telephone call will do. Follow it up with a nice card, thanking her for taking the time to talk to you.
You are not silly, you are not immature, you are a well behaved young man, who shows a lot of consideration for others. That's why the mother likes you and why she's probably a bit disappointed in you. You are the man, men should take the noise and the telling off when parents get upset.
Your a fine young man, very sensible and you are a good influence on this young girl. Talk to her mum, I think that she would be pleased by that and her respect for you will grow even more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPlease may I ask, if I should talk to her now, and how should I? what should i say?
I am trying to write her an 'eassy' about how I feel and what i think now and it's more like an apologize letter.
I know what you mean by she's 'maternal feathers are ruffled', so that's why I want to cool the things down a bit.
she even said to my girlfriend that she doesn't want me to go around anymore, so I want to try my best to fix the situation.
many thanks
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Nothing is harder on a parent than to realize that their kid isn't the little girl she used to be. It was a shock to her system to hear her daughter speak like that. One part of her thinks that her daughter shouldn't even have learned that stuff, and the protector in her gets the irrational feeling that you're "corrupting" her innocence.
Time is the best antidote, and respect. Show her mom that you respect her and are there to make her daughter happy. Right now, Mom's maternal feathers are ruffled. You could talk to her, let her vent, and keep the relationship.
Eventually, this will die down and become a memory that everyone will laugh about, so don't be too down about it!
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A
female
reader, spook +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Hey, You don't sound immature at all1 You sound like you want to deal with a problem in a mature way. I think the idea of sitting down and talking to the girls mum is actually a great idea. It will show for a start that what ever your age you are adult enough to talk a problem through and sort it out.
It's always good to be on the good side of your partners parents! Plus if the conversation doesn't go well you've tried and I'm sure you would rather have known you gave it a go ? You have nothing to loose really, she allready obviously has a problem so trying to rectify it won't hurt! Good luck x
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