A
male
age
41-50,
*jt
writes:I'm i being unfair when i get no physical contact in my relationship, on which i will elaborate.I have been dating my girlfriend now for close to two years. Within that period she has cheated on me. I found out that she was a escort on which i tried to stop her, and have eventually done so. She is a beautiful woman, and i love her personality. Although when it comes to any physical contact she pushes me away or states she feels ill. At the start of the relationship we would have sex, although i sensed she was uncomfortable during she would jump of me and tell me to leave her alone, i would then have to finish myself off (sorry for being so detailed) it then stopped, she cheated on me went badly in to escorting her body. It is present and I have kissed her only a handful of times within the 2 years we have been together. At night she will cuddle but that's all i instigate sex and i'm told to stop being a chauvinistic pig and that i'm insecure. On one occasion i tired to instigate sex and again i was told no, she then told me that she had stuff to do. I found out she went and met with a client for sex with money.When she cheated on me and i broke up, we later got back together on which she would instigate sex, this only lasted a few weeks until i think she had me back. No w i'm lucky to get any psychical contact other than her cuddling me at night (she won't let me cuddle her). It been over a month since our last time together.I have many theories way she is like this. One of them is it may be my fault. In all honesty i'm going insane, i just don't understand why she treats me so bad, i thinking of going to a shrink about this as i'm at breaking point and really am losing any hope of of life as i feel bad sometimes for her and maybe it may be me not wanting to break up, but i don't know what to do.any advice would be great
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broke up, cheated on me, escort, got back together, insecure, kissing, money, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 My God...what a terrible world this can be sometimes. I'm sorry...but yes, from what you said, I suspected it because her behavior is very similar to that of a close friend's. Your girlfriend may be trying very hard to either supress or forget her memories entirely, as a result, her mind rebels and causes her to commit actions she wouldn't do otherwise. In some way, she may feel as if she HAS to do these things, she can't help it...that's what happens when sexuality is forced on you. You feel you no longer own your body, it's an object...Listen, you seem like a very good man and it's obvious that you care for her very much. Try and get her to talk to you more about her past, hold her tightly to you and don't force, little by little she'll speak. When/If you bring up the shrink idea, she might freak out at first and resent it strongly. But, be patient, offer to go with you and remind her that you love her. If she relents, I advise you to be careful about the shrink you use. Meet the person first...
A
male
reader, cjt +, writes (28 October 2010):
cjt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi
Thanks for the response. I did think that was a underlying factor in it. I know she has brought up stuff although very briefly and if i question or query what she just said she say's nothing more about it. I don't know but from what i'm piecing together, i think she was molested by someone very close to her when she was a child. Though not 100% sure. I'd love her to go to a shrink or to come to one with me. Though breaking through her defensive barrier is almost impossible.
It's a hard decision for me to make, and is more than likely going to take me a while to do so, but if i can't help her i'm only help me falling further down the hole. This is hard for me, i'm not a person who washes their hands of someone, i would consider myself very compassionate, and caring....though the guilt of even breaking for these reason's has me thinking i'm a chauvinistic pig.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit +, writes (28 October 2010):
It is not your fault. I don't know her but it sounds to me like she has underlying issues which prevent her from being intimate with you and yet, allow her to sell her body to strangers. There are women out there who have suffered immensely over being molested and/or raped, as a result, they lose all self-esteem and feel worthless so they allow themselves to be used and abused. Sex for her may be something dirty, something you do for money but not with a man you love. I can't say for sure. Either way, I think SHE needs to see a shrink. I don't think she can handle a relationship and going on like this will hurt you more and more. You feel bad but that's not a good reason to stay. You can be a friend, she won't have you as a lover anyway. I'm sorry..it seems you both are in pain and I wish there was a simpler solution. She needs help and will take time to heal, you can stick by and get hurt or try and move on with your life. Those, I think, are your two options.
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