A
male
age
30-35,
*hostChild
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly a full year, however we're long distance making our relationship difficult. We've had our ups and lows, and even broke up for a while, but we've been back together for about five months now.The problem is, my girlfriend wants to move a lot faster than what I'm ready for. She's tired of her position in life and wants to do things, she wants to move in together (preferrably me move to her state) and she wants us to get engaged and married and possibly start up our own family very soon.I've told her that I'm not ready for this just yet, that I really love her and want a future with her but engagement and living together is really a lot more than I'm ready for at the moment.She's told me that she wants something to show for our relationship and has gone on rants about how she's put her life on hold for me. And she also goes on and on about how getting married is all she's ever really wanted.Every time she brings it up, I tell her that I love her and that we'll get engaged one day but I can't do it right now. But now she's given me a dead line to do it in. She's told me I have until her birthday next year to propose to her, and if I haven't by then, then that means to her that we're not meant for each other and she'll move on from me.I'm only 20, and she's only 19 (soon to be 20). I could maybe understand this if we were in our thirties or forties and had been going out for a much longer time, but I get the feeling she only wants to get married because a lot of her friends are already married with kids.For some reason I've agreed that we'll be moved in together and engaged before her 21st birthday. But I'm not ready for this kind of committment though, I don't want to lose her, but I don't want this either, and the fact that she'd pressure me into this, such a massive decision, really doesn't sit right with me.I'm not sure what to do, all attempts at explaining my position and views to her seem to always result in her telling me how badly she needs to get engaged and I end up feeling guilty somehow. I don't want us to break up again, but I'm beginning to have doubts. I can either tell her I'm not proposing to her, at least not until we're both ready, or I can bite the bullet and take a risk and get engaged. I love her, I don't want to lose her, but I can't help but feel like I'm being manipulated.Any advice or opinions from other people would be much appreciated
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 What in the world is her rush? That's the wrong reason to get married because all her friends are doing it. If all her friends jumped off a bridge, I'm sure she will be in line as well. Your girlfriend is wrong for pressuring you into moving in and proposing, and giving you an ultimatum is preposterous! Yes, I understand it's most women's dream to grow up get married and have their own family..But she's got plenty of time for that, she's only 19 and is already got a less than 5 year plan! She wants it now and on her terms, well good things come to those who wait. If she really loved you she would wait until you were ready, not giving you a deadline and if you don't make it well then there's the curb. True love will wait, it take time to get to there. Say you do agree to move in with her and give her a ring then you waste no time tying the knot, then she's pregnant with your first child and you find yourself unhappy and wishing you had waited. Then comes the pricy divorce and child support you'll be shelling out for 18 years. Look at the long term effects here, marriage is a very serious commitment...It's the happiest time of your life and sheer bliss, in no way should you ever be manipulated into it. Sorry but I don't see love here. I see a pushy girl wanting what her friends have. Like I said, if she really truly loves you and wants to be with you she will wait until the time is right.
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