A
male
age
41-50,
*chnarfy-schnooze
writes:Hiya,Was just wondering if you could offer any advice on my situation ?Im 28 and my girlfriend (now ex) is 26. Weve been together for just over 6 months now. I live about 70 miles away and only get to see her on the weekends. She is at school as a full time student and a photographer on the side.Most of the time our weekends are great....time just flies by. I think were really compatable and we really have alot of fun together. Were interested in the same things (music, travelling, partying, adventures). Ive met her parents, went to her Grandmas for christmas and spent that there with her. Her family likes me and i dont really see any issues there.About 2 months ago she said she wanted some "space" as she was stressed out alot with 3 deadlines at work (freelance photographer) aswell as her college and art projects. She said a week...which i did, but it was hard. Things then went back to "normal" and we saw each other regularly. Our sex life was great until last weekend where she just simply said "no".Yesterday over the phone we were speaking and i noticed something wrong just in her mood and tone. I asked her about it and eventually got her to confess that she thinks were not right for each other. I asked her why...and she just said that she doesnt love me as much as a few weeks ago...and says she feels like were in a old couples marriage relationship already!! Ouch!On one hand she says that, but in the same sentence she is saying that ive done nothing wrong, im a great boyfriend, and she still loves me and wants me in her life as a friend. I would bet that shes not seeing anyone else as she just doenst have the capacity for it, and i really really dont think shes that type of person.She said that she loves me "so much" that she needs to let me go, as she feels that she cant give me what im looking for. She said that its easier to let me down now than in another 6 months. I just dont understand how she can think she loves me, but wants to get rid of me.She also said sorry for knowlingly being so self centered, but shes been hurt brfore so i think this is a defense mechanism...but she said that she really needs to focus on herself.I must admit that weve seen each other almost every weekend since weve met....i just dont know what to do, feel, say anymore....I got out of a messy divorce about a year and a half ago, where that completely ruined my life....and i vowed that i would never let myself get that low and depressed again, but im really feeling somewhat of the same right now.My close friends just tell me to "play the game"...or "wait it out" and show her that you have a life too and dont NEED her....but im afraid if i dont contact her ill loose her forever.Any advice would be great :)thanks in advanceMr B
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male
reader, schnarfy-schnooze +, writes (1 April 2008):
schnarfy-schnooze is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a quick update really...My ex and i have not spoken for weeks, ive started going out and have been on a new date...nothing special, but im not gonna sit in the rut i was in a few 6 weeks back....and think shes "the one"...as obviously shes not...The only thing i cant understand is that my ex is being really cold...not taking calls anymore, and not really being friendly...well, not even friendly...i would call it just being normal and civil to other people...im just wondering what ive done to really deserve this...i mean she was the one that said "i think well be friends forever"...and "i dont want to loose you from my life" ? Her next actions were to remove any trace of me from her online accounts (myspace, flickr etc...)...its not too much of a biggie, i just dont understand the action...and why ?Im just having a hard time understanding this...is it normal ? Im not calling her to hassle her or re-hash the past...im just curious to see how she is doing aswell as wrap up the remaining bits of business we had going together / i was helping her with.I dont know weather to write the whole thing off or, be a good person and try to be a good friend...ive often wondered if im doing the right thing, as her actions or lack of, make me feel that ive got "mug" written on my forehead...but on the other side im just trying to be sensible and a normal nice guy...I mean...if i had done something, or if there was another person on the scene, or cheating etc...i would understand for the whole attitude change, but thats not the case...i mean she told a mutual friend "he was a great boyfriend, i just fell out of love with him"...??? So why be so cold then ??Im trying my best to not let this change my opinion on people, but its really hard when it just feels like a pie being thrown in my face every time im a nice guy...makes me really wonder about the phrase "nice guys finish last"...as here in the UK, the motto from what my guy friends say is: "Treat em mean amd keep em keen"...is there any truth to this, and if so...why ?
A
male
reader, schnarfy-schnooze +, writes (1 April 2008):
schnarfy-schnooze is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a quick update really...My ex and i have not spoken for weeks, ive started going out and have been on a new date...nothing special, but im not gonna sit in the rut i was in a few 6 weeks back....and think shes "the one"...as obviously shes not...The only thing i cant understand is that my ex is being really cold...not taking calls anymore, and not really being friendly...well, not even friendly...i would call it just being normal and civil to other people...im just wondering what ive done to really deserve this...i mean she was the one that said "i think well be friends forever"...and "i dont want to loose you from my life" ? Her next actions were to remove any trace of me from her online accounts (myspace, flickr etc...)...its not too much of a biggie, i just dont understand the action...and why ?Im just having a hard time understanding this...is it normal ? Im not calling her to hassle her or re-hash the past...im just curious to see how she is doing aswell as wrap up the remaining bits of business we had going together / i was helping her with.I dont know weather to write the whole thing off or, be a good person and try to be a good friend...ive often wondered if im doing the right thing, as her actions or lack of, make me feel that ive got "mug" written on my forehead...but on the other side im just trying to be sensible and a normal nice guy...I mean...if i had done something, or if there was another person on the scene, or cheating etc...i would understand for the whole attitude change, but thats not the case...i mean she told a mutual friend "he was a great boyfriend, i just fell out of love with him"...??? So why be so cold then ??Im trying my best to not let this change my opinion on people, but its really hard when it just feels like a pie being thrown in my face every time im a nice guy...makes me really wonder about the phrase "nice guys finish last"...as here in the UK, the motto from what my guy friends say is: "Treat em mean and keep em keen"...is there any truth to this, and if so...why ?
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A
male
reader, schnarfy-schnooze +, writes (5 February 2008):
schnarfy-schnooze is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni really do appreciate the womens point of view...as me being a guy dont really get these all the time. This hurts so bad, especially since she seems to think that we can still be friends...which i think will be a hard thing to do...for me. Maybe im just to old fashioned....
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A
male
reader, schnarfy-schnooze +, writes (5 February 2008):
schnarfy-schnooze is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the comments everyone...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 It suddenly dawned upon her that she is still young and want to see the world.She had a taste of what a married life is all about and thinks that it is not for her. She wants to be like wild and carefree.To be born free again.
Those are only sugar coated words to reduce the sting of a break up.
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A
female
reader, mizz_A +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Personally I think the issue is on her, and you really haven't done anything wrong. I think that she is confused and is looking for more. Or maybe its hard the distance between you. There's not much that I can say, but my advice to you is just talk your emotions away to anyone who will really listen and carrie on living life as normal. Focous on enjoying yourself and getting yourself back on track good look mwa xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): I'm sorry I really don't know what to say, apart from her feelings are totally understandable from a female point of view. I've felt exactly that way - you love them so much, but you just don't seem to go together. You probably just don't realise the little things (and it's not your fault at all) that she does realise.
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