A
male
age
41-50,
*irvana838
writes:So I'll keep this short. Me and my girlfriend were together for almost 2 years. I am madly in love with her and know she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We have had the future talk, and are planning to move in together in june. I know she feels the same way. She was the one who brought up marriage and children and our future together. The problem is that she told me that she wants to be single for a bit. We still talk everyday and we still say I love you everyday. I just don't know what to do, do I wait or move on? My heart says to wait, that we will be together for the rest of our lives one day, but my head says I can't hurt like this anymore and I need to move on. Any advice? I'm sick of hurting.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): sounds to me she just wants a bit of independence before she moves in with you and she doesn't want to feel so tied down and smothered but at the same time it doesn't feel like she's changing anything by keeping the closeness and saying she loves you.
was it said that she will be intimate with other people or does she just want to freedom of being single to feel independent of a relationship?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): I know she had 1 problem when she was younger. The nice way of saying it is that she had a man "force" himself on her.I see it in her eyes. I see the confusion and that she really loves me but doesn't know what she wants.I try talking to her about it and she just tells me she doesn't want to talk about it. I asked her 2 days ago if she still meant everything she said to me and she said "yes, 100%".
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Yeah, I'm confused also. This really doesn't make any sense. Has she had any relationship issues in the past or maybe some childhood issues of any kind?
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A
male
reader, Nirvana838 +, writes (14 April 2010):
Nirvana838 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, she doesn't go off the radar. She always tells me what she's doing and who she's with. She recently started a new job and has made friends there, both male and female, and she has even go as far as to bring me to meet the males so that I don't feel "threatened." I just don't get it. I've never been more confused about anything before.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): seriously? She wants to be single for a while? meaning she wants to go out and sleep with whoever she desires before she settles in with you. She wants to have sex with some guy(s) and not have the guilt of cheating, then come back to you like its all good. What is that? Are you really going to put up with that? If she does this and you take her back, whats to stop her from doign this in the future?
So when she goes to the grocery store and the bag guy is crazy hot, is she gonna break up with you for the afternoon so she can f**k him? Then after she showers come home and get back together like nothing happened?
Get the heck out of that train wreck before it gets worse! Seriously, who does that? Its bull.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (14 April 2010):
One of two scenarios:
1. She hasn't had much alone time (always with somebody and never really out on her own). She wants to know what that's like before she gets married.
2. The idea of being with one man forever scares her and she wants to satisfy her sexual fantasies without technically cheating on you.
Either way it's crap. If she truly loved you deep down she would WANT to be with you now and forever. Most likely you are the guaranteed fall back guy and she may be just examining her options. This is not very respectful to you and I would tell her either commit now or you're moving on. If she loves you then she won't let you go. If she DOES let you go then you have your answer right there.
You would never let her go, do you want to marry somebody who doesn't feel the same way?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): Come on bro. I know in your heart you want to wait because you love her but what she is doing isn't right. And if she loved you she wouldn't be doing it.She says she wants to be single. What does that mean? What do single girls do? They go out and dance with whoever they want. Kiss whoever they want. Sleep with whoever they want. She tells you she loves you; and she probably does. But she knows you will be right there waiting for her once she has had her fun. Do you get it? She's keeping you as a safe bet while she has her fun. And that's not right.If you want to know what to do it's this:tell her you love her, but that you won't just sit by and wait for her to have fun and be single. Your heart isn't single, it belongs to her. And if hers belonged to you she wouldn't want to be single.It's not fair to you. She knows it whether she admits it or not. Tell her you respect her choices and decisions and she should respect yours.Then tell her you are moving on, but that's because of what she choose.The next part is hard. CUT ALL TIES with her. No calls, texts, anything! No myspace facebook. Nothing.If she calls or texts, don't respond right away. Wait at least 3 hours, or better a day. Then say something like, "hey, I was busy yesterday. Hope youre doing well." and that's it. Polite but short.If she REALLY loves you, once she sees what she is losing. She will change her mind. If not, she really didn't love you. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): What does it mean for her to be single? Does she date other men? Does she go out and not let you know where she is? Is she allowed to go off radar for a few days and not tell you? Unless you have set some clear boundaries as to what her being single means I don't see this as anything other than her taking advantage of you. She wants the comfort of a boyfirned: the love, the kisses at the end of texts and the 'i love you's'' on the phone not to mention the constant support but she doesn't want the commitment side of things. Move on.
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