A
male
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*ecentguy1
writes:Please help me ladies on this!If my girlfriend thinks I'm a pansy boy, emotionally needy etc..and I wasn't that way initially, how do I show her that i'm not that type of guy (i'm REALLY not) i've just had some trying times as of late, and I've opened up too much..I look to her for comfort, but she is not able to open up like that...so, now she thinks i'm needy etc...what are some things i can do to show her i'm not that way, but that i stupidly allowed myself to be like that which was unfair to her.. I'm serious, i know she likes a stronger man.,.and is it true, that a woman wants a challenge?? thanks!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007): yes, women do like an edge in a man. Theres no question. But, maybe if she feels worthy without needing that from you, you might have a chance. Its probably too late to change. You cant fake it. But I think it would be very strong for you to admit she makes you weak in the knees- KEEP your sense of humor always, AND dont let her bitchiness effect you outwardly at all. The less you seem to care the better. Is she worth all this!?
A
female
reader, _flicky  +, writes (24 December 2006):
 Some women may want a challenge. Some may not. I know girls that like the chase and the being kept guessing, but I know just as many that prefer things to be quite clear.
If you can't rely on this girl to help you when you're feeling stressed and emotional, you need to find someone else to turn to. A close friend, perhaps? Family? You can't be a pillar of strength all the time, as you found, and since this girl can't deal with it just yet, it would be good to have your own confidant.
I have to admit - when I first read your question, my first thoughts were to condemn your gf for not lending you a shoulder to cry on when you needed it. You don't have to be a trophy boyfriend for her to parade around, valued only for being a "stronger man". There may, however, be other reasons for her behaviour. Perhaps she had a bad experience at some point, and now emotional displays frighten her. She could have been influenced to think like that by someone she trusted or looked up to - I don't know. I can only guess.
For now, explain to her what you have explained to us. You've had some trying times. You're not needy, but you mistakenly chose her to confide in. At the very least, she should be happy you trusted her enough to tell her you were stressed out. The only kinds of men that can be 'emotionally strong' all the time are the ones that are emotionally DEAD. I personally would be very, very concerned if my bf never spoke to me about his concerns, because, let's face it - everybody has them, even little ones. I'd hate to think he sat there stewing on his own when he might feel better by talking to me about his problems. Being part of a relationship means caring about each other, and wanting to help. It doesn't mean fitting into the other person's stereotypes on how a partner should act.
I can understand not wanting to be with someone who relies on you for everything - for some it can be a drain on your energy and wellbeing. However, you said you weren't that way initially, and have only turned to her now that you're going through a tough time. That's understandable, and I would hardly call that needy. If she came to you upset because a friend of hers had died or she was working all the time with no time to rest, you wouldn't think she was being needy, would you? It's not like she hounded you with calls all the time because she wanted you with her every second she was awake. That would be needy.
I think you need to find out why your girlfriend won't let you open up to her. If your relationship is fairly new - perhaps she's a little taken aback that you told her such personal information so soon. But again - you were in trying circumstances and just needed somebody to listen to you. Maybe you can get to the root of her problem, and find a solution. But if she can't bring herself to be there for you when you need her, then perhaps she's not doing you any good and you'd be better off without her.
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A
male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (24 December 2006):
 hmm..what you say now is merely because of the problems you just had right? you have to get over them first, you'll find yourself getting back in no time. as for the woman..it depends. some get bored of the regular average kind..so yup.
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