A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for a couple of years but lately I just have no idea what to do. My girlfriend has a disability which can cause her to be barely able to walk and can cause her to be in pain but not all the time. Anyways, we have been arguing a lot lately and the last time we did, which was the last time we really spoke.We haven't been spending a huge amount of time together lately and I can and have accepted that part of this is my fault cos I have been busy but she cannot accept or completely avoids any time I try to mention that she may be at fault too. Every time I do she turns it around on me. Recently I was feeling very sore(due to an underlying health condition) and was unable to drive so was unable to go over to her house but she was able to go out with her friends(which I do not have a problem with) but I asked her if she really wanted to see me that she would have come over to spend time with me. I am not asking her to cancel her plans or anything it was just a point I was making to say that I am not the only one who isn't available to see each other. She also has said "I couldn't tell them I wasn't going just to see you" which made me feel pretty low. she went out with her friends 4 nights on the trot when I was not working and completely free albeit sore.The last time we spoke she also said she was thinking about killing herself(which I do not believe is something she would do) because of how low she felt and said that I would be happier if she was dead and I just have no idea what to do. it seemed that she said this when she couldn't answer something I had said or come up with a response. Part of me is saying how can I be with someone who is capable of making me feel this guilty and trying to make me feel so bad. But another part of me is thinking she is going through a bad phase. I have never been put in a position like this before and have no idea what to do. Sorry for the long winded post but this is only scratching the surface of what has been happening but I felt that it would help to know a fair about the whole situation. Any advice or thoughts on the matter would be greatly appreciated, thanks so much for your time. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): Unless she is a disturbed individual, she is telling you she is contemplating suicide BECAUSE SHE IS INCREDIBLY DEPRESSED! Chronic pain causes depression. By surrounding herself with her friends on a night out she is trying to distract herself from having these extremely negative thoughts. If you have expressed to her you don't believe her when she tells you that she is contemplating suicide and that you feel she is trying to guilt you into feeling or acting a certain way, you have basically told her you don't believe her. She doesn't want to spend time with you because she went to you for help and consolation, and you instead told her she was having negative thoughts to make you feel guilty.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 Her saying she would kill herself and that you want her dead, is obviously a big cry for attention. It sounds like she is at a low point and her self esteem could even be quite low. However threatening you with these things off course is not nice, as it is making you feel bad. I think you both need to sit down and have a long talk. Try and work through the problems you are having. Come up with a plan so that the both of you are making enough effort to see each other. Maybe go back to how things where at the start by arranging dates together. Maybe once a week you could both go on a night out, maybe for dinner or the cinema or whatever it is that you both like to do and try and get that spark back in the relationship again.
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