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His girlfriend is pregnant, but he says he wants me. What now?

Tagged as: Cheating, Pregnancy, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2005) 1 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

Where I used to work there was a bloke in another department, straight away we clicked and there was a lot of sexually chemistry between us.

It was obvious that we fancied each other, texted each other all the time. We joined the gym together went to the pub. He had just split up with his ex-girlfriend and I was with someone. He made it very clear that he wanted us to be more than friends. I was the one who always held back.

A couple of months went by and I split up with my boyfriend, and I enjoyed being on my own. He was a bit distant with me and he told me that he had met someone. I said that it would have to be friends and he respected me for that.

Soon after I met someone. When he found out he wasn't too happy but I decided that we was friends and that was it. He lost a family member once and wanted me to go round to keep him company, someone to talk to. One thing led to another and it was more than just friends, but he didn't want his girlfriend there.

We started seeing each other whenever we could, then he hit me with the news that his girlfriend was pregnant. He walked out on her but they got back together for the sake of the baby. He is still with her for the baby's sake.

He tells me that he loves me and wants a proper future with me and I feel the same. He said that if it was just the two of them he would walk away from her no problem but he can't, not with the baby there. His girlfriend doesnt work and he's the main worker, bringing the money in. She knows that carrying on like she is doing that he won't leave. I just don't know whether to stick it all out or make a break. Help!!!

View related questions: a break, ex girlfriend, got back together, his ex, money, split up, text

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A female reader, Wendyg United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2005):

Wendyg agony auntHmm, Was she pregnant before he started seeing you ? Looks as though for a while there you were a distraction. He didn't have to face up to responsibilty at first, but soon realised he would have to.

He is doing the moral thing of staying around for the baby, that in itself will end in disaster if he doesn't love her. Staying for the kids never works.

The thing is there are 4 of you involved in this... You, him the GF and the baby! Too many of you to get hurt. If this man really loved you, and still wanted to do the right thing, he could be with you and support the baby also. To say that he is staying just for the baby is rubbish. If he really cared for you, he would find a way.

Honey I'm really sorry but this is never gonna work... You and him... Him and Her, and then the 3 of them together... can you really sit and watch that going on... Happy families, when you're not around... No you can't...it would tear you apart all the while... You need to move on to save yourself..

I know you love him and it's hard, but please be strong. In the long run you will be saving yourself a lot of heartache. Sure, it's gonna hurt to begin... but go found someone that can completely be with you, for you, and love you without all the baggage, someone to give you respect and cherish you. You deserve to be happy, its number one that counts! and that's you!

Take care.

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