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anonymous
writes: I'm writing because i have an issue with my relationship and i want to make sure i handle it in the best possible way (for my girlfriend, that is). I really don't know what to do so i'd be really grateful for any advice you could spare.
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several weeks and everything is great. When we're together we're the happiest people in the world and the whole relationship is very good. I knew at the beginning that she had some issues (i hate the word 'baggage') which would come out at some stage and have been preparing myself for the moment she felt secure enough to tell me. This happened over the weekend and it's emerged that her father abused her as a child.
Now, this doesn't change my feelings toward her at all but i don't know how to react. My girlfriend has absolute zero confidence and no self esteem, which i can understand now. It's like she doesn't feel worthy of being loved, like she's embarrassed or ashamed of herself. This is crazy as she has so much to offer.
Isn't it a famous saying that if someone doesn't love them self, that they cannot love anyone else ? I don't know what to do to prove to her that (a) i still love and respect her (b) i want to build a strong, trusting relationship for us.
I guess i don't want her to push me away because she is scared of getting close to anyone. I do my best to be as affectionate and caring as i can be and i'm very conscious of giving her plenty of space too. I know we are close for her to tell me these things herself - but i just don't know the best way of building the relationship from this point !
I'd be really grateful for your thoughts/advice please.
Thanks in advance,
anon
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2005): Hi, firstly I really admire you for being this faithful. In fact I'd like to give you my email address in case you have any more problems, but I can't. I think you should really make her feel good. I guess you probably already do but I mean REALLY make her feel like she's the best person in the world. Tell her so. At the moment she's probably feeling alone and scared, even though she knows you are there to comfort her. Try spending more quality time with her, and slowly build up her self esteem by telling her she means everything to you, she's the best person in the world and other things like this. It's a slow process but she really needs someone to hold right now. Good luck, friend Archangel
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