A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend doesn't want to tell her friends that we've been dating for a year because that would mean they would know that she's only been single for 2 months (she had just gotten out of a relationship). She's finally going to tell them that we're dating, because we are 2 girls. Should I be upset about this? I don't think it should matter what her friends think, they're not even that close. I've been struggling with the fact that we have to keep this a secret, and she is finally starting to tell people, but still not everyone, she hasn't told her ex (who's a guy) yet. I'm getting so annoyed that this relationship doesn't seem that important to her, because all these things that matter so much to me have been kept secret for so long, when there was no need for that. I don't care what people think, at all, i just care what she thinks. And by her hiding this things, and making me hide our relationship in public, it really makes me think that she cares too much about what people think/say, even though she always says she doesn't care. We had a huge talk about how I want to tell people, and like I said she's finally starting to tell them, she just doesn't want to tell them how long, and I wouldn't want to announce it either, but if someone asks, I'd like to be able to say how long, and I would like for her to also want to say it and be proud. I want to always show off our relationship, and she seems to never want to do that. I get we may see it differently, because she is more private than I am, but is this is something that I should be upset about? Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): It's about respect. And you seem to be being a little disrespectful to her by pushing her to do things. This nagging of yours can really ruin a great relationship. Whatever her reasons, they are her reasons and you can either accept them or not. If she treats you well and you too go out a lot and there's happiness then there shouldn't be complaints. Some ppl are more shy than others and do not like be in the center of a big confrontation, which is what happens eventually to all gays. You should really try not to ride her back about who she tells about her relationship, she needs a bit of privacy and you don't seem to understand that. It appears you too are way different in terms of openness of the relationship. A romantic relationship between you two doesn't have to involve friends. I mean well by this post bc the worst case scenario is she withdraw from u bc of the constant pressure. So pls enjoy her and if it really bothers u then leave. Best wishes
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (30 July 2011):
 You have the right to be upset about this. If you're going to be in a relationship with someone, then there's no need to be ashamed of that person. You like that person enough to be with them, so why should it be bad if someone else knows? I think you need to give your girlfriend an ultimatum. This is something you feel very strongly about and she isn't taking it very seriously. Even though she's trying, she's not trying hard enough and shouldn't be treating you like a deep, dark secret. Even though you love her, this isn't something you two are going to agree on. Tell her that you want everyone to know by a certain time or you're gone, or you're just going to have to deal with being a secret.
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