A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just found out that my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me 3 days before we took a trip to Texas to meet my family. We get back and she continues to go out every night (shes 21 Im 30). She comes home 3 nights ago wasted and refused to tell me where she was at. Then she proceeds to tell me that she was raped and made up an elaborate story. So I sat up all night worrying about her while she slept it off. Then she gets up the next morning and tells me that she wanted to have sex with a guy that she works with and tells me that is why she wanted to break up with me. I knew that something had happened that night but she swore on her families life that nothing happened. I just moved into the dorms where I work and I can't seem to function its so hard to breath. she even told me how many condoms they used. I wanted to marry her. I love her with all my heart and it is breaking me. I dont know how im going to maintain at work i hate putting baggage on people and I dont like to bring my personal problems to work. What do I do SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone who posted on here you have been a tremendious help. Just trying to get through work today I woirk in a large resort resturant so I have to deal with alot of people today and I dont want them to look at me like a person that cant be by themself.I am breaking down on a daily basis but I still have not called her nor has she called me I just want her to try to call I wouldnt even answer but at least in would let me know she actually cares.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): It's lucky for you you found out exactly what type of person she is. The fact the she lied about being raped is odious enough, no in fact it's heinous. Rape is not something to claim lightly. But the fact is she wanted to sleep with someone then went ahead and slept with him, she's not guilty about it at all, maybe some part of her wanted you to know, well now you do and you my friend must let this woman go.
I know you love her and will probably do all you can to get back with her, but this woman has shown she is not to be trusted, not just because she obviously had no problems going through with having sex with someone else but then proceeds to lie about it in such a callous way.
Take a clean break from her, if you live together tell her to move out, you need time to yourself to heal, to get angry and to start the process of ultimately forgiving her, forgiving yourself and moving on with your life. You do not want to commit your life to someone this callous. I know its hard but consider yourself lucky, there are alot of trust worthy women out there, women you can trust with your life and love. I hope you meet that person. Be strong brother! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (7 April 2011):
 I understand. I really do. I feel that inside, I'm your age. I'm actually 21. I was once married to a guy who is the same age as me now. And that's when I realized, I am 30 at heart, he is still 21. He broke my heart. he had a daughter with me and then tore our family apart. I couldn't stand it. I'd never been so unhappy in my life. But here I am. that was almost a year ago... I'm still scarred by the way he treated me and the way he left.. but I don't miss him. The day I realized that HE behaved badly and NOT ME... was one of the best days of my life.. because it relieved SO MUCH ache and pain.. I finally got over him. You just have to get mad. You have to understand that she made a bad decision.. it doesn't matter if your relationship with her was good or bad.. she cheated on you and there is no excuse for that. GOODBYE to bad luggage. I only had to go on one date before i realized I didn't want a man in my life right now. So I'm songle.. but after going through that bad experience.. i'm that much more willing to wait for the good one.. the RIGHT one. Just hold on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): I had a terrible break up with a man I thought I was going to marry nearly a year ago. I didn't see it coming and to say I was heartbroken is an understatement. My life and everything I knew fell apart. I couldn't see how I'd ever get over it. But you know here I am and I'm doing ok. I no longer cry and I've started going on dates. Haven't met anyone I really like but I guess that will come with time. I understand how overwhelming the heartbreak loss and confusion is but I promise u it will get better. Put as many life experiences between u and the break up and ull rebuild your life It's working for me.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 April 2011):
 If you have vacation days or sick days, use a couple to go out with any friends you can gather and commiserate. After that, though, the best thing you can do is focus on your work, on your own life and hobbies. Get your mind clear of her and drive her out of it with other things.
It's gonna hurt, there's no avoiding that. You'll have to let the pain happen, let it pass, but not let it mess up your life. But it will pass, in time.
There are decent chicks out there. They're tough to find, but worth the effort. Some guys work better by trying to find one in order to heal, some work better healing first and then finding one - do what works for you in that regard. However much you liked this last chick, you can do better than her.
One thing in particular worth noting though -
"Then she proceeds to tell me that she was raped and made up an elaborate story."
She lied about one of the worst crimes around in order to try to avoid the consequences of her actions. She is poison. Get away as fast as you can. Don't call her to yell, don't go to her house to ask for her back, don't have anything to do with her, just get away before she cries rape on you for making her feel bad about her own actions.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 This is a very tough thing to get over indeed... But what you need to do is realize that YOU are not at fault for this, you shouldn't feel bad because SHE is the one that wronged you and broke the trust. You need to accept that she isn't for you, and that you deserve better than that... and trust me, there are many woman out there... that one just was not for you..You can do many things to cope.- Go to church on sundays and find god (will help humble your heart and bring peace into your life)- Hangout with friends as often as possible- go to social gatherings like concerts, parties, explore your city- start talking to other girls and become friends and talk to them about your problems (they will tell your everything I just said but in better ways)- find someone who will treat you right- accept it and move on.You aren't old, so you have nothing to sweat. As god says, there is a girl out there for each individual person, you just have to go out and find her, meaning not every girl you date is going to be the one, but when you have the one, you will just know and it will click and before you know it you'll be happily married and growing old together.hope I helped :D If you need further help, send me a message I will talk to you AS MUCH as you want my friend. We are a loving community and we are here for you.
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