A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Wow I better add a little to this, it seems that I didn't describe enough. My girlfriend and I have been together just over 10 years. Last year I did what I shouldn't and had an affair. But I had the affair after one year of us NOT having sex. The affair has ended now but I still have feelings for the woman I was seeing. I am back with my girlfriend and still feel confussed. My girlfriend and I have lived together for the entire time and she has always worked from home but mearly makes ends meet. The problem for me is that to make as much as she can she focuses on her work more than the relationship as well it has effected our love making. I believe that's why I wondered. As far as a girlfriend she is helpful in meals and kitchen stuff mostly. This is all she does is kitchen stuff, I feel if you have the luxuary of working from home and have extra time then more of the house work I feel should be the person that stays home. I do all the other chores and I mean EVRYTHING on my time off. I don't seem to have any time off cause as soon as I walk in the door I'm pretty much sent to work and that's after my 10 hour shift. Plus I have a full time job working graveyard working anywhere from 8 and a half hour shift to eleven hours a day. The relationship has been very workable as far as us keeping it together, but she has a little annoying habbit of verbally cutting me down when she doesn't hear what she wants to hear from me. I feel stiffled. What the heck should I do. I wanna run but there is so much time between us and I don't want to leave her high and dry. Help not sure if I should just move on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): Oh, and regardless of what it is she does for a living, it's pretty condescending of you to call it a "hobby" just because it's not the career you'd choose or because she doesn't make as much as you do. If your attitude on the subject has come across in your discussions with her, I can see why she wants nothing to do with you sexually or otherwise. No one likes to feel as if they're being patronized, and especially not from someone who is supposed to love and support them. Just sayin'.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): No sex in a year is a big deal and the two of you need to have a heart to heart about that one. As you already found out, the affair was not a long-term solution. If she won't sleep with you anymore then the two of you shouldn't kid yourselves any longer, you're more like roommates than lovers.However, you contradict yourself by saying that she works all the time to make ends meet and then saying that she should be doing more chores because she stays at home and has "extra time." Dude, if you're already complaining that she doesn't seem to have time for you, where is she going to get all this "extra time" to do more housework? Maybe I'm misreading the situation, but I can only go from what you tell us here and so far your words are inconsistent.If you need her financial contribution to make ends meet, you can hardly tell her to stop working and focus on you. If you don't, explain to her that she can cut back a little on the work and in return you would like to see a little more done around the house.Oh, and don't stay with her if you're only doing it out of a sense of obligation. That isn't fair to either of you. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to the 2 who thought about what the were understanding. To the female reader, anonymous,( WOW!) if you only knew what some men put up with to just ensure others are happy, you wouldn't be cutting me down either. I'm man enough to have talked and worked out my relationship and to keep on going it's the dead ass women that expect the man to just pan up and go out on a limb at all cost and to have people like you who can't seem to pry themselves away from the TV. With out knowing you I should just mention the door of opportunitiy is a lot further than your hiden hidaway by the computer. Are you on here asking where your body parts should be acknowledged?
To the other two Critic 101 and Gina I was amazed on how you both read and understood the essence of my situation. Critic 101, My and some of her friends see the way she can be and have all instucted me the same. My parents have accually said get rid of her. But more so becuse of how crule she can be. "Gina" I have talked with her about her attitude and with the aggressive manor she has with business she dirrects our conversations in her control but does listen just doesn't seem to remember that guys have feelings as well. I know what I have to do but financially I have had my credit used up by mostly her and I have no real means of departing as of yet. So Critic 101 I know 40 is not prime age to be single again but like you said it is my life and happiness. One last comment female reader, anonymous, I do love her that is how my patience has lasted to almost financial ruin cause I stayed beliving in her business and me trying and YES increasing my income to help out what couldn't be briought in by her. If you can't make a living at a home base business and it mearly makes ends meet the maybe it's only classified as a hobbie and not work.
Thanks to all the serious replys.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): STOP COMPLAINING. if you want out then just go. do not make excuses and blame your gf. you both are at fault. at least she took you back after your affair. you , be honest, you are not committed to her and this relationship. you still have feelings for this person you had the affair with therefore you are so critical of your gf. nothing she is going to do will be right in your eyes. so yes, move on, allow her the opportunity to move on as well. she too needs a man who will be a real man, without the excuses and someone who will love her for herself. your heart is not in this relationship. don't waste your gf's life anymore. cut this confusion and move on.
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A
male
reader, citic101  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 I think you should move on ..... Nothing is going to change she will stay who she is now and you will stay who you are unless you decide enought is enought. There must be someone better out there for you ? you come home after working a hard shift the place is a mess and you have to clear it up !Your 40 ? well if you leave it any later it will be hard/impossible for you to move out and get another life ! your life is in your hands dont live it to make someone else happy your first priority is YOU
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