A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 10 months is the love of my life. Both of us are divorced with children, all of whom are the same age. I recently moved in with her and things are great: kids are happy, we're happy. The one thing that is eating me up is that she does not want to meet my ex wife even though my ex would like to meet her (because the kids are with me on every other weekend and two nights every week). My ex and I have an amicable divorce and still talk almost every day regarding kids, that's it.I have met her ex husband on several occasions and it was as simple as saying hi nice to meet you. I wanted to get opinions on why my girlfriend feels like I'm trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do, when I am really not. I just brought it up with her and she kind of flipped out about it saying that in other relationships she has had since her divorce (4 years) she has never been asked nor had the desire to meet her past boyfriends' exes. Am I over reacting because it is making me have a pit in my stomach about our relationship?
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divorce, ex-wife, her ex, her past, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): Ehm, I know if I was a mother and my children were spending time with their dad and his gf... especially after 10 months, I would most certainly want to meet this women so that I feel comfortable knowing my children are around someone with class, respectability, and going to show good morals, and all of that. I bet your gf is all of these things and is wonderful with your children... but shes not their mother and she should respect the childrens mother by offering her assurance they are in good company. If she wants to be in a relationship with you shee needs to accept that your childrens mother will always be in your life- shes not just an ex, shes your childrens mother! I dont know what you should do about it, but she better sort out whatever issue she has if she wants this relationship to have long term potential.
A
female
reader, ladydi_2004 +, writes (4 May 2010):
I have the same kind of feelings as your girlfriend. I met my husband's ex while we were dating and she was sweet as pie. Now that we are married, I hate to even go over there when he picks up the kids because she always says or does something that ticks me off. When I refuse to go my husband gets mad at me. It's something about being around the woman that my husband was intimate with and had children with. And my husband still has an emotional connection to her. He doesn't think he does, but I see it and other people see it. My stepson even made the comment that he knows his dad still loves his mom. I was sitting in her house when he said this and I felt like running away. So, try to understand why she is feeling the way she is and try to do whatever it takes to make her feel comfortable. If she doesn't want to meet her or go around her, that should be her choice until she is ready.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I have just settled into the fact that time will work itself out. I let her know today that I understand her trepidation and that I was probably being "insensitive" to her feelings. That really made her feel special and she has agreed to attend my son's baseball game next weekend where my ex wife will also be and they will meet there. Thanks again. This is a great site!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Give her time to meet your ex it must be a weird to have to meet your boyfriends ex. I guess you can compared the anxiety she must feel on how you felt when you had to meet your girlfriends parents for the first time. It will happen just give her time.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Meeting the ex-wife can be a scary experience. Inevitably, your girlfriend is going to compare herself to your ex-wife: Is she prettier than I am? What will she think of me? These are the fears that are feeding your girlfriend's reluctance to meet your ex. Nevertheless, given the seriousness of your relationship and the fact that your children are spending time in the home, your girlfriend will have to meet your ex at some point. Perhaps it could be as simple as having your girlfriend accompany you when you pick up/drop off the kids. There doesn't have to be any in-depth conversation--a quick "hello, nice to meet you" should suffice.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Hun, be patient.... in time your gf will meet up with your ex and find that things are really okay.
Dont force the issue and dont make a big thing about it, maybe your gf feels a bit insecure about herself when she thinks about your ex......
So be the sweetie you are, and dont let something this simple become a problem in your relationship.
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