A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and recently she found out she has bipolar disorder. Now I understand why she has always been hot and cold with me, I'm thinking about breaking up as I'm not happy anymore. She' taking BP medications but I think she forgets sometimes. We talked about us and she told me she would try to get better, try to be more caring and affectionate but I'm not seeing any improvements. She is cold and I just hate cold women, she looks like an iceberg sometimes! Our relationship always had issues, my jealousy (Im trying to get better), her past, I'm tired of her mind games with me, we don't have common goals in life because months ago she wanted kids and get married but after everything that it's happening with us we stopped talking about a future together. Is it over? This bipolar thing is killing me, this hot and cold is killing me! My hope for this relationship is dropping down, my hope is 5%, when gets 0%, will be over for real!
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 It's over.
You're not compatible for a number of reasons and you're just becoming more and more unhappy. A person can't try to be happy without making any other changes to their lives and if that isn't happening...there's really no point in sticking around until you truly hate one another.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 If you are unhappy in the relationship then there is no point staying in it. She has been diagnosed now so it might shed some light for you on why she behaves the way that she does.
If you are wanting to make the relationship work, then you both need to communicate more, you need to tell her you are close to ending things unless the relationship improves. You both need to try harder to be nicer to each other but also to communicate with each other and try hard. If she forgets to take her medication maybe you can remind her? Set a reminder. It might be that she i a cold person, and if that is the case she will not change. If she is trying hard maybe it is not enough for you. Either way just be honest with her.
She has a past and you also have issues, to me that says neither of you are perfect in this relationship, you are both trying to get better, but sometimes that simply is not enough.
It seems like you have given up, you don't talk about the future any more, you get jealous, she is cold. She has problems. Try and work on it for both your sakes, if things don't improve at least you can walk away knowing you tried your best.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 October 2016):
 I'm not sure the "hot and cold" is because of her bipolar disorder or just the way she interacts with the world.
IF she had been diagnosed with a physical medical condition would you use it as an excuse to break up with her? (substitute heart condition for bipolar disorder)
The issue is not her BPD. You have a bad relationship and you want out. And that's fine.
Sadly she's going to probably blow a fit when you leave. I would NOT use her diagnosis as the reason. Rather, go with the "we don't want the same things it's not working"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 October 2016):
 Bi-polar or not, if the relationship ISN'T working, no amount of meds will fix it.
While she hasn't chosen to HAVE bi-polar you don't HAVE to choose to stay in a crappy relationship where you feel unhappy.
Maybe the better choice is for HER to work on herself, get therapy AS well as meds and for YOU to work on YOURSELF.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 You can't handle it and that's fine, but she didn't choose this, so I wouldn't tell her it's because she's bipolar, just that you don't feel there's a future together.
Contact a family member or friend of hers whom you trust to look after her and tell them (*after* you've broken up!) that you're a little worried about her, please could they check in on her because you've broken up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): A bipolar disorder is not easy to get better from, nor is it something your girlfriend has chosen to have. If she's trying to get better, you must understand that it is hard for her. If you're planning on staying with her and not leaving her because of her disorder, I suggest helping her and not leaving it to herself to figure it out. Maybe schedule out and remind her of when she should take her medication.
Otherwise, if you plan to leave her seeing as you have no faith in the relationship, I don't have much advice but make sure she is okay by herself.
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