A
male
age
36-40,
*.a.t.d
writes:my girlfriend broke up with me last night. she said that she needed some time to herself. she has been under alot of stress with exams lately and family life. she said she still loves me but she doesnt expect me to wait around for her, i love her so much that i cant picture myself with anyone else. what should i do.? should i not ring her at all anymore.? i dont want to break contact completely as im afraid i will loose her forever..please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I completely agree with the second reply. She should not be pushing you away. She doesn't have strong enough feelings for you.A healthy relationship doesn't consist of people pushing one another away when times get tough. Lord knows what she'll do if you two get married and her life gets stressful. Give up and divorce? You want some one like that in your life?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I completely disagree with the previous anonymous reader: just beucase his girlfriend seeks out his support when she is stressed, that doesn't mean all women are the same! I sometimes need a lot of space in relationships: when I am seriously stressed I cannot relax with a partner. Period. That might be not what is typically seen as "feminine" but I cannot deal with more than one issue at once. Experiencing two opposing emotional states makes it difficult for me to jump form one to another- I feel that I should be focusing on my problems and trying to solve them - and have difficulties to connect to my partner in such times. This makes me feel that I am not being fair to my partner and I want to get back to them when I can give them full attention.In the case of your girlfriend, I would go down the route of behaving like you are her friend- wait for a while if she gets in touch with you, if she doesn't make contact but just to let her know care, but don't get to personal in this. Try to have a cool approach. I would give it about 2-3 months of giving her lots of space. If by then she is still busy, then I would move on. She sounds like she genuinely cares about you, but it just isn't the right time for a relationship in her life. Sometimes things like that happen. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): leave her alone
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): That makes absolutly no sense. My girlfriend who ACTUALLY loves me seeks my comfort during stressful times. The fact she is pushing away simply means she doesn't want you anymore. Her saying she doesn't expect you to wait around for her is a prime example she could care less if you're there for her or not. Do yourself a favor and DON'T wait around for her. Find some one else who won't kick you to the curb the second something in her life goes "wrong."
Easier said than done, I know... but get over her and find somebody who will treat you the way you want to be treated during thick and thin.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I think it best to give her the time she needs, clearly there's too much going on in her for her to cope with at present. I know, as I've been there myself, how very painful it is not to be in contact with the one you love, but if you contact her against her wishes then it might cause resentment.
She says she loves you, if that's true then time apart will be too much for her and she'll be back to you. If not then perhaps she loves you but isn't 'in love' with you as you clearly are with her.
I'd wait a few weeks and if she hasn't been in touch then write to her saying you hope things have improved for her, you wish her well and will always be there for her, then wait and see. If there's no response then it may be time to take stock of things.
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