A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago. We were together for 4 years and for the entire time we were long distance. He was in Boston and I'm in California. (There's more information about us on the previous questions I've posted) long story short, we both loved eachother so much and we were not only lovers but best friends. His family loved me and my family loved him. It was a very good relationship and we were all very close even though it was 3000 miles away. I broke up with him because 1) I started to become not attracted to him 2) he wasn't very outgoing 3) he played video games too much and didn't really like going out that much. 4) I felt it was just best for me that I focus on myself and find someone close to me that I could date. My ex was my first love and first real relationship and I felt like I needed more dating experience to know what I want and don't want. But he was so good to me, never lied cheated etc. he was a good person but I felt I deserved better. We've been broken up for 6 months now and he's contacted me a couple of times(we broke up in May and he contacted me in June and then in August) in August he wanted to be friends but I told him it was too soon. We haven't talked since then and id like to know how he's doing. I don't think I want to get back together with him but I still miss him and am definitely not over him. Should I text him to see how he's doing or still not talk to him for awhile?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, get back together, long distance, my ex, text, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your response! WiseOwlE I really appreciated what you said. It makes a lot more sense from someone else's perspective. I appreciate the insight.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): If your objective is to get over your ex, it's best to maintain no-contact; until you no longer have the cravings to be with him. You gave a list of reasons you broke-up; which were sound and reasonable. Most young people your age don't realize these things until they're much older. The fact that you have, will enable you to learn more about yourself and what you want.He meant a lot to you; but your feelings have changed. To continue holding on will keep him stuck in a place of wondering whether to move on, or wait until you change how you feel. That isn't fair to either of you. You are almost at the final stage where you are over him. You're still a little conflicted; which is why you should continue to avoid contact. Especially for his sake.He doesn't really want to be just friends; he needs your permission to continue to hold on. Don't send him mixed signals. Allow him to move on.It really hasn't been that long. You will still relapse and feel a twinge of missing him, and wanting to hear from him.The problem is, he will think that means you may be coming around. You don't sound like you are changing your mind about remaining apart. It's painful, but it hurts even more when you get his hopes up, and then tell him you aren't getting back together. Getting over a breakup is a long and drawn-out process. People try getting back together only to breakup again, and it makes it even harder to get over each other the second time around. That is the danger of your sporadic contact. You may start having mixed feelings, and then come to the realization you were right to breakup after-all.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 November 2013):
 I agree. If you don't want to try to fix things, yet you still aren't completely over him, I would give it more time. You won't be able to have a healthy friendship until you're both completely over each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 November 2013):
 You've gone far for the 6 months so contacting him again would be like taking steps back. The east coast and west coast distance also makes it impossible for a friendship to happen. I would not say you take a long time to get over him, but a friendship only makes sense when you've had gotten over him. You haven't talked in three months. Just let it be.
...............................
|
