A
male
age
41-50,
*ohn doe
writes:I live with my gf. going out for 5yrs. No sex for 2yrs since we started living 2gether. have been to therapist. no help. she says it hurts-(physically). im 25 and cant take it anymore. too embarased to admit it to any1. A guy my age should be having sex. Especially if he lives with his girlfriend! should i leave? The other day she suggested that I can have a sexual relationship with somebody else until she fixes her problem. Does that mean she really loves me, or does that mean she is too lazy to fix it so shes looking for an easier way out? Im confused,hurt and clueless as to what to do. I have been forcefully celebate, and have not heated on her during our problem. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (28 May 2007):
 Yes, please keep us posted. I hope you can find the root of this problem and fix it because this has gone on for too long and is just not right. Good luck and I look forward to your next post! You can private email me if you would like.
A
male
reader, john doe +, writes (27 May 2007):
john doe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to sincerely thank you guys for your help. I've realised that I truly want to make this relationship work. I have never spoke to anyone of this problem before, and I feel all the people who answered genuinely cared. Nothing has changed yet. I think Im going to give therapy one more shot before I make a firm decision. Its not something I think I can make lightly. Afterall, I do picture a life together with her. Sex was great before we moved in, so I agree that the problem is emotional. Perhaps she was raped! This is very troubling indeed. Its strange because she doesnt remember most of her childhood??? Her dad is late now. Anyway, Ill keep you posted on new developments.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): I have to state without a doubt that, you do have a big problem. You are smack dab in the middle of a sexless relationship and it could get increasingly worse over time. Even though you love her deeply, she is the wrong girl for you. Sometimes it doesn't matter how intensley we love someone..not having a sexual relationship is vital to the health of a relationship and especially when you, yourself have stated 'that you want sex'. You arer young! Of course you want to share that with her.S ex with your partner is healthy and it builds intimacy and a solid footing. I don't know exactly what is the trouble is with your gf...but she does have an aversion or an emotional problem regarding sex. You need to understand---this is not 'your' punishment-this is not your problem to carry. The only person who can correct this is her and her alone. If the professional isn't working encourage her to talk to her family doctor..there could be a physical problem that is causing the pain. But hun, If she's not willing to help herself and have a loving, nice sexual relationship with you then you don't need a 'sex only' partner. You need a new partner...period.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Part of any relationship is satisfying a partner's needs. If she can't do that, and isn't willing to find a way to, then you need to leave. If she's telling you to be unfaithful to her and have a sex partner, she may not respect the possibility that you don't believe in multiple partners. This is bad, and you need to leave it.
DV1
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (25 May 2007):
You had sex for 3 years and there were no problems for her, no pain. Then you move in together and now sex is just too painful. Hmmmmm. I would think if there were truly a physical problem causing pain a quick trip to the ob/gyn would solve that problem. If it is not a physical problem, but a mental one, what precipitated this? The only corelation you have stated was the move in together. Is there anything else? If there isnt anything else I would say you have a definate problem on your hands and need to seriously evaluate whether you want to stay in this relationship. If something else happened, like the death of a close one or she was raped, then I can understand that she has some issues to work through. But 2 years is really quite long enough.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): im sorry to hear about your problem hat sucks. i understand how sex can be an important factor in some relationships.now i have a question for you tho you said you havent had sex since you moved in together does that mean yall had sex before?because if you guz did and now your not i dont think that its a problem that she has i think that she might be doing something she shouldnt be doing!i mean i could be wrong but i had a friend who had sex with a guy the first 6 months or so then she didnt want to be with him anymore but didnt know how to tell him because he kinda took care of her i mean she worked sometimes but for the main part it was him so she told him that she didnt want to have sex anymore because she wasnt sure about somethings and that it wasnt him it was her but she was out gettin it somewhere esle's. but also it could be because of another reason but then again think about it if yall do end up gettin married or being together how important is sex to you and is your guyz relationship good enough to where you dont have to have it you can just be with her cause she could pull this lil stunt later on as well. good luck.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood +, writes (25 May 2007):
 Hi buddy, sorry to hear about your problem. Yes a guy of 25 who is living with his GF and is not a member of a sect or religious order should be having sex. It's obviously important to you and to most men so you need to sort this out ASAP. You've tried therapy and that did not work so I don't know what to suggest. It's possible that she loves you but has some deep seated problem when it comes to sex and just can't do it! Whether you leave is up to you! How important is staying with her as opposed to a complete and fulfilling relationship? How much do you love her? You guys need a long serious chat and some important decisions need to be taken. Good luck and take care. D
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