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male
age
36-40,
*ave_richo
writes: Hi, wondering if you can help. I have been with my g/f since i was 16 and she was 18. We quickly grew to love each other over a short space of time. She revealed to me that she had suffered with depression and used to be really ill as a child. This affects her life now back having lack of confidence and low self esteem. I have help her through this and tried to make her a stronger person. This past year she has been wanting more commitment. We have now been with each other for nearly 5 years. She was non stop asking me to move out. I said i couldnt afford it due to an expensive car i run, and when i could afford it i would. Deep down i wasnt ready to move out but couldnt tell her due to her thinking i would never want it. i just dont feel ready. she had also lost her job for 4 months and put on quite a bit of weight. i am not vein but did not find her as attractive as i used to do. A few weeks ago i met a 34yo woman who i got to know better. We went out secretly on a few dates and i ended up staying at her house all last week at nights. I subsiquently broke up with my girlfriend who took this really bad. She couldnt understand why i wanted to end everything when we was the best of mates and had an otherwise good relationship. i couldnt bring myself to tell her about the other woman i had met even though she has said countlessly that she would forgive me if i have cheated. I now miss her so very much and it has only been a few days. I need to know if i have done the right thing by splitting up with her to have a single life. I do feel like i need my own space but i do not think i can live my life without her being in it. i have not split up with her because of the other woman. That was part of the problem but that made me do it as i thought i shouldnt have done it if i was completly happy in the relationship.
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female
reader, Nikita  +, writes (18 December 2006):
 Hi Dave, I think its natural to miss her cos you were together for quite a while but if you're not sure what to do then i dont think you should go back to her cos it wouldnt be fair on her. She's obviously quite fragile and if she has low esteem like you said then it will affect that. Things werent right between you. she wanted more than you were ready to give and you're quite young to be together for all that time. Its only natural that you want more freedom. You were wrong to secretly date this other woman though. Its just complicated things. If you're still with her then you'll need to tell your ex eventually cos she'll find out and will be more hurt that you didnt say anything.If you want your own space then maybe you shouldnt be with this other woman either. Try and explain to your ex that you'd like to be on your own for a while and that it doesnt mean that she's done anything wrong and that you'll always care for her and would eventually like to be friends. She may feel too hurt at the moment to want to be friends. Try and be honest with her though okay. Hope it works out for you Dave.
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