A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry This Is So Long...My girlfriend of 5 years left me a few weeks ago and im really struggling to get over her. there are of course many factors that caused it but no infidelity on either part.The reason she gave for leaving is that she was getting feelings to go and meet other people and said that if she didnt do it the feelings would just eat away at her. i appreciate this as ive gone through those times my self but came out the other end realising that this girl was what i wanted.In the bedroom we had 1 major issue, together we could rarely get her to climax, even no matter how we tried things (penetration, oral, playing with toys) she would stop me when she got close, at first saying it was to sensitive, then saying she didnt like to orgasm without being totally relaxed and in control, she has little problem doing it herself even if im present but together it would just not happen...Obviously i beat my self up a lot about this, never knowing if it was me or not!! she says it wasnt but i cant begin to understand why she would actively stop me from making her climax the times when we actually seemed to be getting somewhere.so she left to go meet other people...2 weeks later after going out for a drink with about 3 different guys she is in a relationship again, with a guy from my regular pub, not a friend but someone id drink with often...not somewhere i feel i can go anymore, because seeing them will kill me.she says he was just there at the right time and doesnt really know whats going on herself but surely she could just say that to make me feel better.she tells me she wishes she could pause things with us and come back after a year of getting a bit of life experiance, but with her going strait into a relationship is this lies??? I try and explain it to my self because i know she has no real friends and i was her best friend and her mine so without each other i know she'd need support...of which she would get very little from family.i do want her back even after what she has done and want to keep in touch with her, i just dont know when i should get in touch or if we should at all. were meant to be meeting in a week but i feel its pointless because im not going to be able to speak with her as everything i want to ask will just bring up emotions and make me look needy. ive already told her how i feel.So i guess what i want to know is how do i keep her in my life without pressuring her and seeming like im holding on, i dont want her to feel im holding out for her while she enjoys life!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, helen +, writes (15 May 2007):
 hey you, im not gonna lie to you and say I have the answer but I can't help but feel you and I are in a similar situation. Firstly, I don't think you're problem stems from sex, I think problems in the bedroom are indicative of problems elsewhere.
It sounds like she has itchy feet- if you guys have been together 5 years and she wasnt feeling like she was totally sure about your future together Im sure that would have made her uncomfortable acting like everything was alrite in the bedroom.
Im not sure about having 'breaks', I myself had one of six months where both he and I were with others, and for me- the the speed at which he found someone has always been something that has really bothered me. Even when we got back together it didnt feel the same- it felt less special.
I think you are being fair when you say she probably wanted some support- you are probably hitting the nail directly on the head. But I think you are where I am right now as well....unsure if you guys are ever gonna get back together or if you should start the process of letting go. check out my question:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-cheated-on-my-bf-and-he-is.html
I went for a long walk yesterday and thought about it all... I stood on a hill with a beautiful view and cried for everything I was losing... I begged God and I closed my eyes and a strong wind blew and I swayed in it....I felt touched and I felt a little peace. Its not in my hands anymore and all I can do is say goodbye to what I thought was my future with him. I leave it in fates hands now- if it was meant to be it will be. I still dont know whats right. I dont know if we are ever going to get back together, I could beg but wont change the true course of this all, but for my own good I need to stop thinking about this all.
I do suggest you try to be grown up and be civil to her and then maybe in a months time friendship will come once again. Let her have the space she wants because after all its not in your hands. Be productive in the meantime and you'll be able to regain some sense of self.
good luck mate...my heart reaches out to you.
write back and tell me if you think im wrong or right
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