A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:My Girlfriend is haveing her hair cut and tonque pierced she know's i hate them. do u think she's cuting that long sexy hair and have her tonque done to try Change so i will not like her no more?she dumped me 3 day's agoi've seen her every day.the day she dumped me we was fighting in her work's over the fact is i asked her can i walk her 2 the door (she work's at morrison's) and told me she felt trapped all i asked was can i walk u 2 the door'sfight 1 = my fault? i think it wansn't.yeserday we had a fight because i was compare myself to her brother and her mom and her was like " don't compare yourself to him " but her brother is a person that is not a quiter. and i tried 2 get us back together it was my girl who ended this.fight 2 = my fault? i do i was stupid to say her brother's name.today we havent had a fight. she was laffing with me. i'm talking to my brother girlfriend who live's with my girl's mom and dad's where my girl is now. and she tell's me my girl is hugging the teddy i bought her and always talking her mate's about what happend.she told me she was talking to her about us all night.i girl is moveing from her mom's 2 her brother's. this weekend she just picked her stuff up today.on the day she dumped me i saw her talking to this lad. they seemed more than friend's i was going to go 2 her work's and watch them together and c if they like kiss or do anything. i know i sound like a stalker but i really need 2 know if she's got someone new and doesn't wanna hurt my feeling's by telling me.she told she she's gone off relationship's and doesn't want 1 what so every i asked her if she was planing to have sex u know without the relationship stuff she said definitley not. i wanna trust her but she know's i would get very hurt and my mom would hate her so much. and she love's me mom 2 bit's. do u think i'm crazy to spy and c if she does anything with this lad? he's young But she's only ever dated older men. never younger than her. but maybe she think's younger could be better what u think?when i went 2 her work's the day she dumped me she went in to the warehouse (load's of boxes) and she was in there for a good 5 mintues alone with this lad i couldn't c them when the door's opened. do u think there's something going on there? she finishes at 4pm but she worked till 4.25pm she never work's over that much. and when she went outside she kept going back in the store to look 4 this lad. when i was driveing away she was waiting 4 her taxi home and she was talking to this lad. i asked her about the lad she told me it's someone she working with all week. but i don't know i think there could be something going on.i said 2 my brother's girlfriend i may go 2 her works and c when she finshes if she does anything with this lad she told " no leave it she's no longer your problem " but this girl is talking 2 me about this and she talking 2 my girl about this.i don't wanna spy on my girl and this lad but i wanna know the truth if she does anything with him like kiss i know she as cheated on me last saturday. if she doesn't i know i'm idiot. the problem is she can never admit 2 me she cheated because of my mom she know's my mom would find out and there Friendship would be over.any help would be greaton how 2 get over herthanks alot
View related questions:
cheated on me, older men, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit not Anon i promise u that.u say get some hobbie's to spend all my free time. good idea i'm keeping myself very busy. but when i'm keeping myself busy i'm still thinking of her 4 day's after her dumping me i've covered or removed all the picture's of her it's so hard to not think of her if i can c her face in the picture's around the room.xmas it nearly here i hope she as a good time and doesn't feel so down she can't go out (not a chance) she told me her mate's from work was going down town i'm gonna tell my family to hit the down town scene and c if i can't c her. i hope i do. i didn't get 2 spend last new year with her i was so ill i couldn't move. it's gonna be hard but i got 2 do it this 4 me. i'm so horny so i think i may crawl the bar's looking for a new shagging partner not a r-ship again. if i like the girl down the line well maybe i will maybe i will not. this time i'm gonna treat my new girl (if i do get 1) like normal not try to treat her like she's the queen of england. do u think i've got a chance? why do u say this because i've got bad teeth (at the front all broke up) bad breathe (gonna start brushing my teeth next week) i can't talk 2 girl's i kind of get scaried and never know the right thing 2 say but i've been talking 2 my brother's girlfriend and i only met her once.do u still think i have a chance at a new love life? or do u think i need 2 sort my teeth out?do u girl's even notice that stuff or am i worring over nofthing?i will admit if u can look past the bad teeth and muppet's in my family i'm a good catch 4 lady's i'm kind, always looking out for the girl never myself.
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (15 December 2006):
 Hi Anon,
This is what I think:
Fight 1: You don't give too many details, but by the looks of it, it seems like she wanted to be left alone. If you kept asking to walk her to the door, she could have interpreted this as nagging, and therefore feeling trapped. If she says that she doesn't want you to walk her to the door, please just respect her. Sometimes people just need their space, even if it means just walking to the door. And since this obviously was not just about walking to the door herself, you should have tried to talk to her later about what was really going on instead of making her feel "trapped." I think what happened is that you were just adding to the feelings she already had, and sort of pushed her over the top. I know that it wasn't intentional on your part, and that you really just wanted to have some sort of sign that things were okay (maybe I'm wrong), but next time someone says they need to be alone, please listen.
Fight 2: I don't understand why you're trying to compare yourself to anyone, really. I don't see what they have to do with your relationship. Instead of comparing yourself to people and trying to defend yourself or make yourself sound good in her eyes (why else would you compare her to the brother who isn't a quitter?), then I think you really need to address the actual problems you two are having. Ask her what's on her mind. Tell her what is on yours. Focus on the both of you, the problems you want to work out, and leave others out of it. At least that's my opinion of how to resolve issues in a relationship.
"i was going to go 2 her work's and watch them together..." I seriously advise against doing this. First of all, if they are more than friends and you SEE them doing anything, what is that going to accomplish? More than anything, I think you would just feel hurt over it. I think that all you'd be able to think about for a while is that image playing over and over again in your head. Do you really want to set yourself up for what could possibly hurt you?
Look, if you two aren't together anymore, she really isn't under any obligation to tell you if she is seeeing anyone. And I think it's really uncalled for that you asked her about what she is planning to do in her sex life! That's something private between couples and for someone to keep to themselves. If she really wanted you to know, then she would voluntarily tell you. Let me just ask you this - if she doesn't want to say if/when she's going to start dating other people, then why would she tell you if/when she is going to have sex? If she doesn't want to hurt you, then do you think she's going to tell you the truth when you've cornered her and made her feel like she needs to tell you something?
You say "i wanna trust her but she know's i would get very hurt and my mom would hate her so much." Look, if you two aren't in a relationship then she has no obligation to you whatsoever. Do you seriously think this break-up hasn't affected her, as well? Regardless of who broke up with who, break ups are not fun and games for anyone involved. She is also dealing with pain and loss. And if your mother hates her, then who cares? Honestly. She has broken up with you and if she wants to move on then she can't be "hated" for that. It's only natural. And you shouldn't feel bad if you want to eventually move on, either - you know? You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to date someone else. That's what people do when they're dating. They find someone compatible that they want to spend the rest of their lives with. (And then there are those who are perfectly content just dating and seeing other people with no commitments, too - and that's not bad, either. It just depends on the individual and what he/she wants and as long as their partners are okay with their decisions, etc.)
"...and she was in there for a good 5 mintues alone with this lad i couldn't c them when the door's opened. do u think there's something going on there?" If there was something going on, then it's not your place to know. It's between the both of them. If she wanted you to know whether or not anything was going on, then your ex would tell you. Your brother's girlfriend is very wise when she says, "...leave it she's no longer your problem."
Regardless if she cheated on you or not, the relationship is now over. Because it's so new you can't stop thinking about it, and that's understandable. I think now what you need to do, besides spying on her (don't do that! either you're going to just get hurt by it and/or you're going to creep out your ex and make this other guy angry - do you really want any of these things to happen?), is try to find out how to spend your time now that you're single.
Have you tried going out at all with friends? Maybe going out and having some drinks(not necessarily to pick girls up or anything, because right now I don't think that would be a good idea for obvious reasons), or staying in and just hanging out. Do you have any hobbies that could fill your time? Maybe you have some creative outlet that you could put all of your feelings into - like writing, painting, or something along those lines. Or maybe you'd want to do something positive for the community. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter. Being around cute animals and playing with them for a few hours a day will probably help (how could you think about other things being surrounded by fuzzy puppies?? heh). Plus you can feel good about how you spend your time because animal shelters need all of the help they can get! :)
Well however you decide to handle this, my point is that you can't dwell on these thoughts you're having. Of course it's okay to cry and be unhappy - that's only normal. But you can't let these feelings engulf you to the point where all you think about is your ex, if she's with someone, figuring out ways to spy on her. It's not healthy for you to do this - you're worrying yourself too much!
I hope that you're able to move on rather quickly. Breaking up with someone is always a heartbreaking experience, but it's not the end of the world. You will find someone else (and hopefully that person will value you more so they don't cheat on you!).
Take care.
...............................
|
