A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost 15 years. My marriage has never been great and I've FINALLY built up the strength to leave my husband. While parts of me love him, I have never, nor will I ever be IN LOVE with him. I have great friends who are helping me through getting out. One of the friends however is a guy. This guy and I have gotten to be great friends over the years. He is married to one of my closest female friends. The problem is with all the emotions I'm going through right now I fear I've grown a little TOO CLOSE to my guy friend. I would NEVER do anything to jeorpordize his marriage, as he and his wife are VERY HAPPILY MARRIED with the type of relationship I one day hope to find on my own. My friend will call me to give me words of encouragement, send my texts to brighten my day, buy me little 'cheer up' gifts, etc. His wife is very much aware of our relationship and thinks it's great I have a male to talk to through all this. I did not mean to get so close. The last time I saw him was a little over a week ago and when I left he gave me a really close, back rubbing hug and I haven't been able to forget it. How do I back away without making things awkward. I DO NOT want him to know how I feel, because I know he is just trying to be a friend and support me during my time of need. Since I'm so unstable now though I'm taking his gestures to heart and letting myself become attached to him. I love the fact that I have my friends support, but I've never had a male friend who I'm this close to and with everything going on I'm taking his attention to heart in THE WRONG WAY. How do I stop these feelings?
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female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (15 June 2010):
I think it would be wise that if you are getting advice from him to make sure your best friend ( his wife) is also near - or start spending more time with her. I am really suprised that he is buying you 'cheer-up' gifts - that seems odd. Good Luck -
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): BasicallyGOD has created a world which has rule that positive energy and negative energy both spread in chain.Now since you have a unsuccessful marriage, now you are creating problem is some one else marriage. And same things will happen in your husband's future life also. you and he both may be the reason of more problems in many other lives. Your kids have also been changed for good about the vulnerability of marriage as sacred institution and they will spread the same message and pain in their life. So the point is that your divorce has already created problems for 30 lives in present and future already by varying degree and this chain continues as chain reaction.Try to limit the damage and absolutely control your self about it. you know that it is only due to your situation that you are having feelings and they will go away as time passes by. ( Though some one else will be substituted who knows ) .Do not express any thing and push him away if he does the inclination. Mens are easily attracted to these kind of ladies and situations.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (15 June 2010):
 I think that no matter how much you were never "in love" with your husband, this doesn't make divorce any less painful, wounding, or traumatic. You have raw open wounds right now. Anything or one willing to help soothe or make less painful your suffering at this time, is going to appear as a dream-come-true as well as the moorings of stability.
Luckily you seem to have your head firmly affixed to your shoulders and you recognize this.
Remind yourself firmly and repeatedly that your friends are being true devoted friends when you need them most. Bless them, they have your best interests in mind and seek to demonstrate this to you. How splendid of them! Remind yourself of these facts, frequently. Especially when you become aware that you're confusing supportive, well-demonstrated friendship with more than that.
Repeat it as a mantra if you must, but it is of utmost importance that you refrain from the beguiling illusion that it is more than friendship. Imagine how you'd feel if you were to repay their efforts with completely groundless and confused interpretations.
Hang in there and best of luck to you going forward!
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