A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok well I have a question for anyone who has ever cheated to share the reason for cheating! What made you cheat and why? Was it worth what came to be of the situation? Did you love the person you cheated on? Why use your working late?Did you work it out and did thw trust ever come back?I'm just very hurt and confused and trying to get some insight into cheating!I know everyone is different in how the handle and react to a situation and all of that I'm just curious as why cheat in general! If you could please answer it could help a lot!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (6 March 2011):
 I've never cheated, but I've been cheated on numerous times. They were all very meaningless relationships, so I didn't read too much into it or question why. I've known plenty of people to get cheated on, or who have cheated themselves. What were the reasons? Immaturity, insecurity, vulnerability, fear, uncertainty, and just plain disrespect. My mother cheated on my father years ago, just after my younger brother passed away at seven months old. My father didn't want to talk about it, but that's all my mother wanted. When she met a guy who opened up and would talk with her about it and would let her talk, she became vulnerable, and he took advantage of it. Was she right to do it? Not at all. There's no excuse for cheating. Was she the only one in the wrong? No. My dad should have been more receptive to her feelings. But she could have handled it much differently.I was cheated on by my first serious boyfriend numerous times, but not to the severity that I could've been. He chatted constantly with other girls online and even started calling and texting some of them. I caught him many times, and I called him out on it many times, and as much as he claimed he loved me and would change, he didn't until the very end of our relationship when it was too late, and it just wasn't worth it.My fiance was cheated on my his ex numerous times. Why? Because she was immature and only wanted sex. When she refused to use condoms or use birth control, he refused to have sex with her, which made her cheat on him more. Was that his problem? Not at all. She's just got a lot of growing up to do.I've known others to cheat because they're not happy in their current relationship, but they are afraid of being alone or of hurting the other person by leaving them. So they cheat, feel some sense of accomplishment and freedom, and that's that.There are hundreds of reasons why people cheat. Are any of them right? No. Do some of them make more sense than others? Sometimes. Do some people cheat only once in a moment of weakness? Yes. Do some people cheat just because they can and don't care about their partner? Also yes. Either way, it's up to you to determine whether a cheater is worth your time.Is cheating right?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): Every situation is different, as is every person. I hope this helps.
Did we work it out. Yes.
Did trust come back. Yes.
Was I hurt. Yes....terribly....I still have nightmares occasionally (but, I had them before as well just not the same ones). I almost lost my spouse/children/family and home and couldn't for the life of me understand why and what was happening "what did I do or not do" was on my mind the entire time and years afterward. In the end, it wasn't me that did anything or didn't do something, it was what was done by someone before me, someone terrible.
Was I confused. Yes....it was horrible.
Did my spouse love me. Yes....but didn't think that I loved them back for reasons that were only explained after a lengthy counseling work (over a year).
Why did my spouse cheat. Every terrible reason you can think of or read about in the books I recommend below.
Was it worth it. Yes. My spouse is the most tremendous friend you could ever have, a mistake driven by the pains and fears is not something that could take that away.
On the other hand, I've never cheated, but had every EXCUSE to do so; no sex, not much physical affection, distance from spouse emotionally, attractive coworkers who were probably willing that I worked with, yada, yada, yada. But, I didn't, because I planned on leaving if things didn't get better, just to be fair to both parties because I wanted to be happy and I wanted the other person to be happy. I really believe in being fair, simply because that was drilled into me as a child and a young adult.
Cheating happens for lots of reasons, basic thing is that it is an act of being "unfair". The "why" of it is extremely complex, and can only be reached in each instance by deeply investigating the background and history of the individuals involved as well as the relationships. Same is true of the side that doesn't cheat.
Read these, it will help. I know, I read them all, and a lot more. The spouse, my current spouse, I was thinking I might have to leave, had had an affair, and our problems got worse, and worse, and worse, despite the affair being long over. But, the seed that led to the affair was planted many years before we ever met. We finally broke through and a whole world of hurt and pain and fear came out of someone that I would never have imagined having it all hidden within.
http://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0060928174
http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503
http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Affair-Program-Together/dp/157230801X
If drugs or alcohol are at all in the picture, with the person, or in their family of origin, then read this.
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-ACOA-Sourcebook-Children-Alcoholics/dp/1558749608
If there is any history of sex abuse, neglect, or other sexual issues, read the following as well.
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933
It happens to both men and women.
I grew up in a large family, my brother cheated on his first wife, left her for another younger woman, and tried to take the kids from the first wife (a nice person). I found out after the divorce, from his ex wife, that he'd been sexually abused as a teenager by a married female family friend....he didn't think of it as that and probably still doesn't, but he's not had a very good track record with women since and his current marriage is a "dominance" thing over the much younger wife.
He doesn't trust women, he may never trust them again now.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (5 March 2011):
I've never cheated so I can't answer. But I can tell you that no matter how many answers you get here. It won't help you feel better, if you are asking after being cheated. There are so many answer as cheaters. And there is people who cheats once in their life and others who cheats on a daily basis. And for an eternal cheater, the reason for cheating is not important at all.What you need to know about cheaters is that you have to walk away from them.
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